Communicating with Brits

This subject is possibly getting tedious, so I apologise. I know I have mentioned it previously and I probably will again. One of the most difficult areas of communication is with non-British English speakers. We are, indeed, divided by a common language.

I love reflecting on my British culture and how it has shaped me. Living in a foreign country highlights the differences and nuances of your culture that you normally take for granted. You also have to negotiate your own values and how they fit into your new setting. It’s helpful to know about your own culture as well as the ones you are interacting with. You are better able to pin-point why you respond to certain situations and why you feel the way you do.

Remember, with culture and any of these points, it is highly contextual and varies significantly from situation to situation and person to person. These are broad brushstrokes. It is a bit of a long read, so I have provided a summary at the end. Feel free to skip to it, but it may lose some of the nuance.

Privacy and personal boundaries

Two of the highest values in British culture is the sense of privacy and a need to respect personal boundaries. For example, when I told a Brazilian that no one talks to one another on public transport, he asked why were we so unfriendly. Actually, for Brits, that is being friendly. We assume the other passengers wish to maintain their personal space so we do not invade it. A small smile might be all you get and even that is a rare occurrence.

Therefore, you must be aware of this when communicating with British people. British people may not want to share details about something with you. Also as a result, English people may ask fewer questions about something and not seem interested. They are probably interested, but don’t want to seem nosy.

Indirect communication

Communication in Britain can seem direct at times, but there will be a lot of indirect communication that goes alongside it that can easily be missed.

The implied meaning of words are extremely important. In fact, you can assume that any implied meaning is the actual intended meaning. Therefore, you have to be careful that there aren’t any unpalatable implied meanings behind what you say. Sometimes, our indirect communication goes as far to say the opposite to what we actually mean. One perfect example is the phrase, “I’ll think about it.” We say that when the only thinking we will be doing is reflecting on what a ridiculous suggestion it was. We’ve already made our minds up and we profoundly disagree. But we don’t want to insult you by telling you that.

You have to remember, this is not disingenuous and we are not lying as those not familiar with British culture might assume. A British person being told, “I’ll think about it,” knows perfectly well what it means. We just forget that those from other cultures (especially when English is their first language) will not pick up on the contextual cues that go with it.

Taboos

There are certain subjects that are embarrassing and difficult to discuss. These are some of them:

  • Money
  • Politics
  • Religion
  • Personal relationships

You need to tread carefully when negotiating these subjects.

Practical tips

So, there are various ways to navigate these aspects of communication though.

When starting a conversation, ask general questions that don’t ask for details. Remember, you need to respect the other person’s privacy and personal boundaries. Some examples include, “Do you have any plans this weekend?” as opposed to “What are you doing this weekend?”; “Did you have a good holiday?” or “How was your holiday?” rather than “What did you do on your holiday?” The first type of questions allows your conversation partner to be as vague or as detailed as they wish. The second type of question traps your conversation partner into giving details they may not actually want to give. (Also, “What are you doing this weekend?” is usually reserved as a precursor to making plans.)

So, this becomes a bit of a dance, where meaningless fillers replace actual meaningful questions. Remember, we are indirect communicators. The fillers are intended to move the conversation on, but in a non-invasive way. Then gradually, you work towards the details.

“How was your weekend?

“Not bad actually.”

“Oh, great.”

“Yes, we went to see my family.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, we took are kids to see their grandparents. We went to Corfe Castle for the day.”

“Sounds lovely.”

“Yes, we went to this amazing little pub nearby. The food was delicious.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, we had the Sunday roast. The beef was pretty much perfect. And the roast potatoes were lovely. We could have done with a bit more gravy though.”

If you want to broach any of the taboo subjects, you have to take extra care. Let’s say, for example, a British friend is wearing a particularly dashing piece of knitwear. (All Brits love knitwear.) You want to find out how much it was. The easiest way to find out is simply ask another question then provide the cues until you get the details you want. So, for example, the conversation would go like this:

“That’s a lovely cardigan. Where did you buy it?”

“Oh, it was £35 at Topshop.”

You might possibly note that the price was offered pretty much straight away. This often what happens, as the “Where did you buy it?” is often heard as a non-threatening “How much was it?” If it doesn’t work straight away, you could try these techniques:

  • Make a general comment about TopShop “Oh, I love the dresses in there.”
  • Tell them about what you bought there, “I got some lovely shoes there for about £50”.
  • Allude to the topic of money: “Topshop can be a bit expensive, but it’s usually worth the cost. Sometimes you can find real bargains too.”

Once they tell you the price, don’t criticise it: “Oh, that’s too much!” You will not be popular. The best response would be, “Oh, really? I love the colour.” You’ve got the information you want, then move off the awkward topic as quickly as possible.

If this doesn’t work, then there’s the “You don’t mind me asking how much it is?” which is where the speaker pretends to be asking for permission to ask a personal question by, in fact, asking the personal question. Usually, the British person will begrudgingly acquiesce and tell you.

Hearing “no”

British people will refuse a request or a suggestion as politely as possible. They will often make an excuse or use indirect communication. “I’ll get back to you” or “I’ll think about it” is often a no. In a case when making group decisions, ideas may be rejected by giving an alternative. For example

“Why don’t we go to Dominoes tonight?”

“What about TGI Friday’s?”

Alternatively, the British person may just agree for the sake of agreeing, even if it makes life difficult for them. Sometimes, it’s worth checking if that is the case.

Let them speak

British people often find talking loudly, effusively and interrupting inappropriate. In a group setting this can be difficult because the Brits sometimes go without an opportunity to speak up. There have been times that I’ve been in a meeting and I’ve been spoken over or not had an opportunity to raise a point. The subsequent silence does not usually mean that my point has been made, it probably means I’m livid.

Useful phrases

“I’m sorry to bother you…” This is used when asking questions or even when making complaints. I have walked up to information desks, where the person’s actual job is to answer my question, and apologised for interrupting them whilst all they were doing was waiting for someone to come and ask a question.

“I’m sorry but…” This phrase preludes any complaint, expression of annoyance or outright disagreement. You may raise the volume of what you are saying a notch and place a small amount of emphasis on the words. This means we’re getting serious.

“Oh, by the way…” This will signal the most important but also the most awkward part of a conversation. In order to minimise any emotional impact, we make it seem inconsequential and trivial.

“Oh, sorry.” If you bump into someone, interrupt someone, get in someone’s way or hold someone up, then say sorry.

Do what you want, we’ll just grit our teeth anyway

As British people don’t respond effusively to annoyances or complain you will get away with a lot. We may not like you or what you did as a result, but we will rarely tell you. So, you can easily ignore all these rules and carry on regardless. We’ll just grit our teeth and smile throughout.

Summary and other useful tips

  • Respect privacy and personal boundaries
  • Don’t force Brits to give details
  • Use filler phrases and filler questions to draw out more information
  • Avoid taboos: politics, religion and relationships
  • Brits will say “no” by offering alternatives
  • Don’t interrupt
  • Use “sorry” like confetti
  • Don’t make a complaint unless absolutely necessary
  • Don’t be too effusive or emotional
  • Don’t come across as arrogant
  • Be self-deprecating

Other resources

I’ll be writing a British culture vs. Cambodian culture post soon.

Flipping cultural values

I don’t think until I arrived in a different country and worked in an extremely international setting that I realised the extent of how different cultures could be. Furthermore, what is perceived as a positive and significant value in one culture is easy to dismiss as negative, rude or backwards in another. Stereotypes, conflicts and miscommunications often arise when these cultural values clash. However, if you take what can be seen as a negative cultural trait and try and flip it to its positive cultural value, it can be helpful in seeing why people behave how they do.

Negative perceptionPositive Cultural Trait
Aloof and coldRespect for personal boundaries
Loud and brashOpen and welcoming
Disingenuous or dishonestDiplomatic
Rude or bluntHonest and straighforward
VaguePrivate
UnfeelingPragmatic
Dramatic and intensePassionate, responsive, empathetic
Intrusive or nosyInterested, community orientated
Superficial relationshipsTreats everyone with warmth
Unforthcoming and taciturnDesires deep, genuine relationships
Over-familiar with superiors/eldersEgalitarian
Obsequious or passiveRespect for authority and social rank
FlippantRelaxed and easy-going
Pompous or nitpickerRespect for ceremony and rules

I’ve seen in forums or heard in meetings people talking about how Khmer people are dishonest or don’t mean what they say. However, it made me laugh. As a Brit, diplomacy or tact is quite important (unless you’re a considered a close friend, then we’re really rude), so multiple times a day I would say something that other cultures would perceive as a lie. I did once try to point this out to those that said this, but I’m not sure if I was direct enough.

I’m definitely having to learn to be generous to others in terms of how I perceive them. I’m trying but it’s still very much a work in process. Which cultural traits values do you align with? Which negative traits do you see in others?

A million questions

Living in Cambodia for an extended period has somewhat ruined travel for me. The idea of going to another country and only skimming the surface of the cultural and historical vastness of a country seems a bit incomplete and, inherently by its nature, superficial. The tantalising glimpses of another culture and life only create further questions. It also makes me feel foolish because I used to feel I had a somewhat complete view of a country I had merely visited. I suppose the maxim is true: the more you know, the more you know you don’t know.

It made me think about what questions someone should know the answer to in order to feel like they had a basic grasp on a country. Many countries require a citizenship test, that ask seemingly arbitrary questions, for those wishing to become a citizen of this country. I thought about what questions I would include if I wrote a citizenship test. So far I’ve come up with about 260 questions. Some of them could be a dissertation topic in themselves; some of them would just require a quick google search. Hopefully, some of them would get people to ponder a bit more about the country they live in, are studying or wish to integrate in.

1. The basics

  1. What is the name of the country?
  2. Who leads the country?
  3. What type of government is it?
  4. Who are its nearest neighbours?
  5. What are its major languages?

2. Demographics

  1. What is the population of the country?
  2. How many people live in urban areas? What is that as a percentage of the overall population?
  3. What are the largest urban areas in the country? What are their populations?
  4. How many people live in rural areas? What is that as a percentage of the overall population.
  5. How does the country’s population compare to the rest of the region?
  6. What are the different people groups in the country?
  7. Where can they be found?
  8. What is the main people group and what is their attitude towards the others?
  9. Which people groups have the economic power and political power in the country?
  10. What are the different people groups’ attitudes towards the others?
  11. Which people groups live alongside one another?
  12. What type of interactions are there between the groups (business, social, religious, etc.)?
  13. What are the sources of conflict between the people groups?
  14. What stereotypes have each group formed other the other?
  15. What are the obvious shibboleths (cultural markers) of each group?
  16. What are the main differences between the groups?
  17. What is the average age of the country?
  18. What is the average life expectancy of the country?
  19. How does the life expectancy vary regionally, between urban and rural areas, and between people groups?
  20. What is the population growth of the country?
  21. What are the consequences of this growth?
  22. Are some people groups growing quicker than others? What could be the impacts of this change in demographics?
  23. What are the effects of emigration and immigration on the population?
  24. What are the factors causing emigration and immigration?
  25. What are the attitudes towards emigration and immigration?

3. Geography, climate and landmarks

  1. What landscapes are there in a country?
  2. How do the landscapes influence the lifestyle of those living there?
  3. What is the climate of the country?
  4. What seasons are there?
  5. How do the climate and seasons effect the culture and daily life?
  6. How do the landscapes look different according to the seasons?
  7. Is the climate and weather different in different regions?
  8. How do the seasons affect nature, wildlife, crops and harvests?
  9. How have the seasonal changes been affected by climate change?
  10. How has this affected the people?
  11. What natural landmarks are there in the country?
  12. What are the attitudes towards these landmarks?
  13. How are these landmarks a part of the national identity?
  14. What manmade landmarks are there in the country?
  15. What are the attitudes towards these landmarks?
  16. How are these landmarks a part of the national identity?

4. Culture and values

  1. What is the dominant culture?
  2. Is it a individualistic or communal culture?
  3. Is it a guilt culture, shame culture or fear culture?
  4. What are the significant cultural values?
  5. What of the consequences of breaching these cultural values?
  6. How do others respond to social deviance?
  7. How is social order and the status quo maintained?
  8. What behaviours are considered polite or impolite?
  9. What do they celebrate?
  10. How do they celebrate?
  11. How do they respond to major life events (births, deaths, sickness, marriage, new job, job loss, moving house)?
  12. What are the general fears of the culture?
  13. What do they do to alleviate these fears?
  14. What secular holidays or national celebrations are there?
  15. How are the holidays and celebrations linked to the climate, geography or nature of the country?
  16. What do these holidays and celebrations tell us about what is important to this culture?
  17. What are the influences of minority cultures, neighbouring cultures or other cultures on the culture of this country?
  18. What social hierarchies and class systems are there?
  19. How can you tell the difference between those of difference social status?
  20. Is it easy to gain social status?
  21. What generational differences are there in terms of cultural values?
  22. What are the traditional arts, songs, instruments and dances of the country?
  23. Are these traditions being preserved or are they dying out?
  24. What other traditional cultural artefacts are there?
  25. Who performs or creates these cultural artefacts?
  26. Where can you see them displayed or being created?
  27. What are the myths and legends of the culture?
  28. What stories are famous and often told?
  29. What proverbs are there?

5. History

  1. What are the major events to affect the country within living memory?
  2. How are these events remembered and commemorated?
  3. What effect do these events have on the national psyche and sense of identity?
  4. How do different generations view the events?
  5. How do the different people groups view these events?
  6. How widespread was the effects?
  7. How does the global community view the events?
  8. How is this similar or different to how it is viewed in the country?
  9. How are these events taught in schools?
  10. How are they talked about?
  11. What historical events are still celebrated or commemorated in the country?
  12. How are they remembered?
  13. What does the remembrance of these events suggest about nation values and identity?
  14. How are these historical events viewed across generations and people groups?
  15. How have these historical events been mythologised over time?
  16. How are they taught in school?

6. Faith

  1. What is the dominant religion of the country?
  2. How does it affect the social structure of the country and of communities?
  3. What religious buildings are there in the country and in the average community?
  4. How does religion affect daily life?
  5. What religious festivals and observances are there?
  6. How does faith affect views towards major life events?
  7. How do they believe the world was created?
  8. Where do humans come from according to their beliefs?
  9. How do they explain other natural phenomenon?
  10. What happens when people die?
  11. Will the world end? How will it happen?
  12. How do people interact with the spiritual domain?
  13. Who is able to interact with the spiritual domain?
  14. What hierarchies does religion create or enforce in the country?
  15. What role does religion have in maintaining the status quo?
  16. How is this country’s religion different from its neighbours?
  17. How do people of this country worship in a way that is different to other adherents of that faith?
  18. What superstitions are there?
  19. What objects, animals or natural phenomenon have spiritual significance?
  20. What beliefs are there in fate or luck?
  21. How can you change your fate or luck?

7. Family life

  1. What is the size of an average family unit?
  2. Who makes up an average family?
  3. How many people will live in the same house?
  4. What is the size of an average house? How many rooms does it have?
  5. How many children does an average woman have?
  6. What are the roles of each member of a family?
  7. Do families live within the same communities?
  8. What are the attitudes towards care for the elderly?
  9. How are children raised, disciplined and nurtured?
  10. What is the average age to get married?
  11. When are you considered past your prime?
  12. Who haves the economic power or responsibility in a family?
  13. What traditions and practices are there relating to pregnancy and birth?
  14. What traditions and practices are there relating to death and illness?
  15. How do they celebrate birthdays?
  16. What ceremonies are related to courting, engagements and weddings?
  17. What is the attitude towards divorce and infidelity?
  18. What are the rates of domestic abuse?
  19. Are there differences in family life between urban and rural areas? What are they and why are there these differences?
  20. How has the look of the family changed between generations?
  21. What does a family meal look like?
  22. How often do extended families eat together?

8. Daily life

  1. What time do people get up?
  2. What time do they go to bed?
  3. How many people share a bed?
  4. What are the children’s/babies sleep routines? Are they different from the adults?
  5. How many days a week do they work?
  6. How long are their work hours?
  7. What are the household tasks or chores that need doing?
  8. Who does them?
  9. Where do they do their shopping?
  10. How many meals do they eat a day?
  11. What do they eat for each meal?
  12. Do they eat at home or do they eat out?
  13. How much money do they spend on grocery shopping?
  14. What do they do with their free time?
  15. Who do they spend their free time with?
  16. What is the most popular non-alcoholic and alcoholic drink in the country?
  17. What sports are popular in this country?
  18. What music do they listen to?
  19. Do they use social media? Which sites do they use?
  20. Do they have access to television, radio or films? What do they watch?
  21. What objects would you find in the average house? What are they for?
  22. What daily struggles or frustrations might a person face?
  23. What transportation do people use on a daily basis?
  24. What do people wear on a daily basis?
  25. What influences the fashions and what is worn?
  26. How far do people travel on a regular basis?

9.Community life

  1. What are the names for community units? How are they structured?
  2. What hierarchies are in place? Who has authority within a community?
  3. Where do communities gather?
  4. When do communities gather?
  5. Where do communities interact?
  6. Where is the heartbeat of community life?
  7. What is the relationship between private and public life?
  8. Who are the gatekeepers to the communities?
  9. Who knows everyone’s business in a community?
  10. What social ties are there within communities?
  11. How do people feel about spending time with others?
  12. How do people feel about spending time alone?
  13. How many people have visited other countries?

10. Education and employment

  1. What level of the population are literate?
  2. What is the education system of the country?
  3. What is the attitude towards education in the country?
  4. How many children attend school?
  5. How big are the average classroom sizes?
  6. How do the following factors affect educational attainment: gender, region and affluence?
  7. Which educational establishments have the best reputation?
  8. What is the most common type of degree, certification or training?
  9. How do most people find work?
  10. What is the rate of employment in the country?
  11. What are the consequences of unemployment?
  12. Which sector is the largest provider of employment in the country?
  13. Which company is the largest employer?
  14. What is considered a good job in the country?
  15. What is the average wage?
  16. How many people live in poverty?
  17. What sectors are growing in the country? How is this impacting employment?

11. Health and safety

  1. Does the average family have a fresh water supply? Where do they get their water from?
  2. Does the average family have access to electricity? What are the sources of electricity?
  3. How do they maintain cleanliness and hygiene?
  4. Does the average family have access to a toilet?
  5. What illnesses are common in the country?
  6. How are they treated? How are they prevented?
  7. Is prevention, treatment and health education widespread?
  8. What is the infant mortality rate?
  9. How many people per doctor are there in the country?
  10. What is the leading cause of death?
  11. What is the rate of alcohol addiction?
  12. What is the rate of substance abuse?
  13. Where are the best hospitals?
  14. Who has access to them?
  15. What is the attitude towards medical treatment?
  16. What traditional practises are used to treat illnesses?
  17. How do cultural beliefs impede improvements in health?
  18. What dangerous animals are a risk in that country?
  19. What is the safest way to travel?
  20. What do people feel afraid of? What makes them feel unsafe?

12. Communication

  1. How long is the dominant language’s alphabet?
  2. What are the main features of the language?
  3. What other languages are spoken?
  4. What gestures or facial expressions are important?
  5. What gestures or facial expressions are best avoided?
  6. Is the communication style direct or indirect?
  7. What honorific terms are used?
  8. How is status, hierarchy or social identity revealed through speech?
  9. How similar is spoken speech to its written language?
  10. What percentage of the population uses mobile phones?
  11. What are the major network providers?
  12. Is there a postal service and how do you use it?
  13. How is major news and important information distributed?
  14. What TV stations are there?
  15. What newspapers are there?

13. Development

  1. Is the country an LEDC (less economically developed country) or MEDC (more economically developed country)?
  2. What is the GDP per capita?
  3. What is the percentage of annual GDP growth?
  4. What factors have promoted economic growth in the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
  5. What factors have prevented economic growth in the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
  6. How has the life expectancy changed over the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
  7. How has the infant mortality rate changed over the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
  8. How has the literacy rate changed over the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
  9. What is the country’s largest source of money?
  10. What is their biggest export?
  11. How many tourists visit a year?
  12. Where do the tourists come from?
  13. Who benefits most from tourism?
  14. Who benefits most from businesses?
  15. How is the country’s wealth distributed?

14. Summary

  1. What are major common themes in the various answers?
  2. What are the biggest trends in growth?
  3. What are the reasons for optimism for the country?
  4. Who is doing important working in promoting change for the country?
  5. What are the major challenges this country might face in the future?
  6. What are the possible solutions to such challenges?
  7. What changes do people predict for the country?
  8. What changes do you predict for the country?
  9. What could the outside world do for the country?
  10. What is your own personal relationship with the country?
  11. What are your thoughts and feelings about the various topics?
  12. What surprised you the most?
  13. What topics would you research further?
  14. How did you find the answer to the questions?
  15. What personal anecdotes do you have about adjusting to life in this country?
  16. What sources of conflict are there between your native culture and your second (or third) culture?
  17. What have been the major challenges for you adapting to this country?
  18. How do you feel about the country now having answered the questions?
  19. What discovery do you think will be the most helpful in integrating into this country?
  20. What mistakes have you made in the past that you now understand more fully having answered these questions?

I can probably answer about 40% of the questions with any accuracy. The answers would be too long for a single blog post, but I might try answering them. By the time I have finished them all, I would probably have a rather comprehensive research paper on my hands.

Hopefully, others that I intending to get to know a particular country more fully, or just cement what they know about a place more fully, will find this list interesting and helpful.

FAQ Thursday: What are the biggest challenges?

I love my time in Cambodia. It’s great and the country and its people are beautiful. So often I am overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude that I am here. However, that’s not to say there are challenges. Here are some of the biggest ones.

3. Cultural clashes

It probably hasn’t escaped your attention, but I am English. In fact, I am quintessentially so. If you wanted a stereotype of an introverted English man, look no further. This means that I am awkward, embarrassed, and uptight. I obey a needlessly endless string of social rules and conventions and social politeness and etiquette is relatively important.

What is difficult is that it is easy to forget that other English speakers are not necessarily English in culture. They probably have lower blood pressure and negotiate social situations with a lot less stress as a result. However, despite the shared language, their relaxed attitudes and happiness to discuss various subjects sometimes translates poorly into English culture. It can come across as overly familiar, nosey or insensitive.

2. Miscommunication

My Khmer is developing, but it’s at the stage where actually it sometimes makes it worse. When I was first learning, what I understood was so limited, that I could often rely on the fact that I probably misunderstood the communication, or wasn’t able to make myself understood. This meant hand gestures, repetition and double checking were necessary. Therefore, often everything was tedious but you seemed to have a better sense of when you arrived at an understanding (or when you didn’t, which was the more frequent of the two scenarios).

What I understand has grown and what I don’t understand has shrunk a bit. However, this means that often the two parts overlap. Sometimes, I think I have understood, but actually I didn’t. This is this language danger zone. You go away satisfied that everything is fine, but find out later that you have unwittingly unleashed a disaster of confusion. I accidentally refused an invite to a wedding because I thought the guy was asking something else.

I can’t wait to get to the part where what I understand is far larger than what I don’t.

1. Communicating with home

This is probably one the hardest parts of living abroad. And it’s not me, it you. Well, actually it’s communicating with you.

Life in Cambodia is different, both in big, drastic ways and in subtle, difficult to perceive ways. Even if you have been to South East Asia or Cambodia itself, the day-to-day reality can be a lot different to the tourist’s or visitor’s experiences. When communicating with people who have never been, it can be even harder.

For example, let’s say I wanted to tell you about my visit to a market. The word market possibly conjures up lots of different images. For the typical westerner, it might mean a farmers’ market, full or organic food and artisanal breads and shiny round wheels of cheeses. The market in the UK is a middle-class day out. It’s clean; it’s sterile; it’s a bit dull.

Gerald England / Mrs Kirkham’s Cheeses

In Cambodia, the market is the heartbeat of daily life. You can buy most things at the market, especially the bigger ones such as Central Market or Orussey Market. It will have fruit, vegetables, clothes, shoes, motorcycle parts, jewellery, souvenirs, homeware, incense, flowers, stationery, books and stands selling hot food. They are great, but they are hot, sweaty, and often really smelly. If it’s outside, you get the fumes of motorbikes and tuk tuks as they idle while their riders negotiate prices; inside the air is fetid with the smell of fish and blood and dank water that runs down the open gutters through centre of the market. The experience is also dependent on which market you go to.

Orussey Market

To communicate these differences and the experiences are lengthy and time consuming. The market is just one example. My walk to work, a general journey through Phnom Penh, a Cambodian mall, a Cambodian village, a Cambodian home, the Cambodian countryside: these are all experiences that are quite difficult to articulate. It sometimes feels that just to have a meaningful conversation, you have to spend an hour explaining and describing the nuances of Cambodia. And that’s hard and can be isolating.

Also, there’s sometimes an unintentional power to words. Cambodia is great. I also know most of my friends here feel the same way. But sometimes we moan and we vent and we laugh about our experiences (such as nearly being stampeded by water buffalo on the way to work, a mosquito flying up our nose, the panic induced by thinking your air-conditioner is broken, getting misunderstood at a market, ending up at the wrong destination in a PassApp). But they are not really that significant. Yes, they can be annoying and sometimes it gets on top of us when we are tired or there is one too many mosquitoes buzzing around our head. But it’s just a fleeting complaint. We dust ourselves off (sometimes literally- Cambodia is really dusty in the dry season) and carry on. We don’t cry (every time); we don’t self-pity for too long; we don’t dwell. We let it out; we move on and we do the same again tomorrow.

However, often, by communicating it to people back home, suddenly it’s become something bigger than you intended. It’s suddenly the front-page news or the big issue. But that’s not how you wanted it to work out. A simple rant or joke can sound like a life-time trauma to those not in the midst of it.

Now, it’s my blog, so I can say what I want to. Sometimes, the hardest thing is the radio silence from the home end. It feels like we’ve set up a one-way radio system. I transmit updates, details and newsletters, and blogs, and Facebook posts. I actually have to work quite hard at it. A blog post may take an hour or so. The Fact Fridays or Words of the Week take 30 minutes. The newsletters can take up to three hours. Just a “It was great to hear from you!” is all it takes to feel like someone is out there and interested. Otherwise, all I’m getting is static at this end and it makes me wonder if it’s worth doing. Let me know you’ve read it. Ask questions (I know that’s hard, sometimes the lack of knowledge means it’s really difficult to know what to ask). Find out about something and ask me my thoughts on it. Challenge me to do something. Invite me on a Skype date. Tell me three things that have happened to you in the last week. It doesn’t have to be huge, but just let me know you are out there.