In my previous post I spoke about cultural clashes. I want to remind you that they are not reasons I look down on Khmer people, but rather where our cultural values conflict. Neither is right or wrong; it’s dependent on whose perspective you see it from. Also, there’s a propensity to see only the differences, and more often than not, the negative ones. I love Cambodia and its people. Yes, there are times when that’s tested more than usual, but I still try and celebrate Cambodians and enjoy living here. So here are things I love about Cambodian culture.
Cambodians are famous for their friendliness, their laughter, their smiles. Their parties are loud and exuberant. Things are colourful. Their chatter playful. They love games and silliness, even as adults.
The word for play is leng /leːŋ/ លេង. It’s often attached to other words to suggest an element of fun or relaxation:
daer leng /ɗaᵊ leːŋ/- to go out for fun (to walk + to play)
niyiey leng /niʔjiᵊj leːŋ/- to joke or tease (to speak + to play)
angkoy leng /ɑŋkoj leːŋ/ -to sit and relax (to sit + to play)
keng leng /keːŋ leːŋ/- to nap (to sleep + to play)
Celebrations, such as weddings and other festivals, are bright, loud affairs. There are games and food and drinks. Cambodians love to laugh and joke and play.
Hospitality in the UK and hospitality in Cambodia is somewhat different. (If you want to see how this difference caused me reverse culture shock read my post melamine plates.) It’s slightly more relaxed (those not used to it would say chaotic) than in the UK. It’s far more easy-come easy-go (like much of Cambodian life, it seems). There’s a vague arrival time and people turn up and plates of food appear.
The welcome is always warm (although sometimes a bit shy and nervous around foreigners) and the beer is always on ice. The cheers “juol muoy!” happens regularly. Basically, any time someone goes to have a swig of beer, you have to clink glasses with everyone then every takes a good swig of their glass, often drain it entirely.
There seems to be an endless conveyor belt of food. There are multiple dishes, ranging from soups, seafood, snails, bbq meat, stir fried greens and, of course, rice. It’s a relaxed affair and you just sit eating. This can go on all day. During this time, neighbours, friends, family, passing acquaintances will be invited in or appear and eat then go. There’s a lot of greeting and farewelling or others popping to the nearby store to pick up another case of beers.
There can be (very loud) music and karaoke and children playing.
This hospitality is more casual than in the UK. There are no napkins (maybe some tissues to wipe your fingers), you can use fingers or lettuce leaves or chopsticks or spoons to eat with, there are few manners to worry about. The karaoke doesn’t matter on the prowess of your singing voice. (This can make it entertaining for all sorts of reasons.) This is the type of hospitality I love. Hospitality that is devoid of social barriers such as etiquette (etiquette is always designed to divide people between social status, so think about that when you next tell your child to take their elbows off the table) and special talents. You come, you eat, you sing. It is hospitality designed to welcome.
Cambodians can be naturally shy and a bit hesitant with foreigners, but once you are in, you are very much in.
Social networks are important in Cambodia, and often the connections made can be long lasting and strong. Also, when you’ve made a strong friendship with others, you adopt many of their connections as well. There’s a concept of bong-p’oun. This little means older and younger siblings, but it really refers to your circle of close friendships and family members. There’s a sense of responsibility to care and look out for those in this circle. It’s a tight, reciprocal bond.
I’ve been seen grateful for the connections and friendships I’ve been able to make. There’s a definite sense that I have a collection of people who have my back and will care for me whatever happens.
When talk about culture neither is wrong, right, better or worse. Culture gives us a set of tools to easily and sometimes automatically negotiate social situations, able to make quick judgements and accurate predictions, bypass long-winded communications because of an assumed understanding of the process and expectations.
However, when dealing with other cultures these tools are often robbed away, and this is what can cause stress and anxiety.
For me, there are a few things that cause me stress. First, it is the lack of planning. Things often happen seemingly spontaneously and without a huge amount of forewarning. There is an economic aspect to this; things happen when you can afford them. There was one time Vitou phoned me to ask if I was free. I told him I was, so he told me to pack clothes for three days as we were visiting his relatives.
British culture usually revolves around well-planned and confirmed events. This is also true of my school culture, it being an international school. Many social events among my expat friends are planned in advance s as well. I try to have one foot firmly rooted in my surrounding Cambodian culture; whilst the other in my British or international expat culture. It seems that the former foot is doing the foxtrot beat of slow, slow, quick, quick (no planning or activity until a rush at the last minute) while the latter leg is doing the quick, quick, slow of the polka (organise everything at first, then ease into the event later). With each foot moving to a different beat, it can make life somewhat complex.
I’ve learnt to prepare for this Cambodian pace by leaving my schedule free. However, this means often saying no to things I would otherwise go to due to the possibility something else might happen. Often, when people ask “do you have plans for the holidays” the answer is no, but in reality I know some plan will probably suddenly materialise. Generally, I cope quite well.
However, I don’t cope well when I’m stressed. If I’m already busy and my schedule is already packed or if some significant event is coming up, the thought that something might suddenly crop up our plans might change make me very anxious. I cope with stress by planning. I will plan things to the last detail and I need to know some days in advance how things will work out. This helps me feel in control of the situation. However, as Cambodians don’t plan, they inadvertently make situations worse for me.
As I gradually get more involved in Khmer life and my priorities move in that direction, hopefully scheduling conflicts and time of stress will reduce.
Another strong value in British culture is privacy and personal space. In Cambodia, especially as often many people live together sharing bedrooms and even beds, this it’s not often a priority. Vitou is very aware and helpful, and will often ensure my privacy is maintained at home. However, there are times when this cultural conflict can’t be escaped. There is one example that sticks clearly in my mind. I had just been shopping at Aeon Mall, of course. I had the day off as a school holiday but also forget it happened to be a Cambodian national holiday too. Therefore, Aeon Mall was exceptionally crowded. Because of this, shopping had been tiring and stressful. My capacity to deal with cultural conflicts was vastly diminished.
I left Aeon Mall, glad to be escaping, and at the exit I bumped into some Cambodian acquaintances. They literally pounced on my trolley and started peering into my bag, cataloguing everything I had bought and announcing it to the group. I can’t imagine that happening in England. Even if my parents had been shopping for anything other than the weekly groceries, I wouldn’t open their shopping bags to have a look.
One time in Siem Reap, I went out for the evening to get food. There was a group of tuk tuk driver that would wait on the corner of the road for customers, so I walked up and asked them to drop me off at Pub Street, where the restaurant was (I was friends with one of the waiters there). The next day, I went to the shop just opposite where I lived, and the shopkeeper, who I also had conversations with regularly, asked if I enjoyed Pub Street the night before. The whole neighbourhood knows your comings and goings, which makes me very careful on the reputation I try to make for myself in my borey.
Another area where my idea of privacy is often invaded surrounds prices of things. In UK, you would rarely directly ask the price of something. In Cambodia, it happens a lot. People ask about clothes, motorbikes, rent, everything. To a British person, that’s personal information. Here, it’s acceptable public knowledge. The next stage can be a bit annoying, when they evaluate whether you got a good price or not. It’s not so bad if they think it’s a good price. To be told it’s too expensive comes across as rude. (That’s okay to do before the point of purchase; it’s of no use after and seems to only serve to undermine the person who bought it.)
If I get asked the price of something, I will usually say that I can’t remember. That usually stops the conversation in its tracks.
I think the reason that this happens is that Cambodia is far more group orientated. Therefore things happen together, so privacy gets put aside as a result. Things happen together, you live in close proximity to each other, communities have the proverbial grape vine running down each street, so naturally your business becomes everyone else’s business.
This might seem like a bit of a rant, but it isn’t. I know I’m extremely blessed to be here. If my main gripes are that people invite me to things (how very dare they) a bit last minute, or they show an interest in this stranger that has landed in among them or they are asking questions a quick google search could probably answer about prices, then I don’t have a lot to complain about. I love so much about Cambodian culture and the people here. I’m also glad for the opportunity to put a mirror up against my own values and beliefs and examine where they come from or why they’re like that. So, come to Cambodia; just expect things to be last minute and for everyone to be very curious about you.
Life in Cambodia can be wildly different to life in the UK. There are different routines, considerations and skills needed in order to survive. There is so much I have learnt to do and there are also many skills I know I’m lacking. If I had the opportunity to do more research, receive more training or practise some skills before I came it may could have made quite a bit of difference and I wouldn’t feel quite at a loss at some points. These just cover the basics; I will probably write another one about cultural integration and awareness. Also, if you enjoy this post but haven’t read my A Million Questions post about learning about a new country, you might find that interesting too.
Are your vaccines up-to-date?
Do you know your blood type?
Do you know the locations of the nearest/best hospitals where you will be living?
Have you checked whether you can get hold of any medication you need?
Have you researched potential threats to health (e.g. malaria, dengue, Zika virus, parasites)?
Do you know how to prevent mosquito bites, insect bites and other local risks to health?
What foods are safe to eat and what should be avoided? (This varies from place to place, so the blanket advice for travellers may not be applicable. For example, ice is usually fine in Cambodia!)
How may the change in diet or climate impact your health?
Have you learnt how to adjust to a different climate?
Have you made plans in the case of emergency medical care? Does your family know your plans?
What are the main types of transport in the country you are moving to?
Is it the same or different to what you are used to?
Would it be worth getting lessons before you leave? (I would have loved to have motorbike lessons before I left; I completely feel as if I’m making it all up.)
Do you know basic vehicle maintenance?
Do you know about different types, brands or models of that vehicle?
What public transport is available in the country?
What conditions will you travel in when you take public transport? How might you need to prepare for this?
What clothing do you need for different seasons?
What clothing is available in the country? What will you need to bring more of? (For me – vests, socks and shoes)
What are locals’ attitudes towards different types of clothing choice? What image are you trying to convey? How do the clothes you wear convey this?
What clothing will be comfortable or practical for different reasons?
How will you keep your clothes clean?
Do you know how to hand wash clothes?
What type of clothes will you have to wear at work? What would be good to wear when out and about?
Can you sew?
What are the main components of that country’s cuisine?
Do you know how to eat it? (For instance, I still struggle to eat fish and prawns because I didn’t eat it a lot at home.)
What types of fruit and vegetables are there? Do you know how to eat, prepare and cook them? (For instance, can you cut up a mango?)
What type of food and ingredients will be available where you are living?
Can you cook some simple meals just on a stove?
Do you know how to wash vegetables and meats in an effective and hygienic manner? (Yes, I know that probably back at home you are told not to wash meats. That advice might not apply so much where you are.)
Do you know how to avoid foods that you are allergic too?
Do you know what substitutions for different ingredients you use often can be used?
Do you know which languages are used in the country and where you will be living?
Do you have a basic idea of language families and their features?
Are you aware of the International Phonetic Alphabet and its usage?
Are you familiar with the phonemes of your target language?
Have you researched language learning techniques?
Do you know what resources are available for your target language?
Do you know the pros and cons of the different resources (for example is the resource somewhat old-fashioned so now a bit offensive? Yes, FSI courses, I’m looking at you.)
Have you researched some of the dos and don’ts of the culture?
Are you aware of culture shock, what it is and what it looks like? Have you researched reverse culture-shock?
Have you researched your own culture so you are aware of some of the potential pressure points? (Privacy and personal space is a large pressure point for me.)
Have you found out what cultures you might be working with? Have you researched them? (You might be working in an international setting. I find more extrovert and say-what-you-mean cultures more difficult than Khmer ones most the time.)
Back at home
Have you planned how you will stay in touch with those back at home?
Have you researched what methods of communication there are available?
Have you spoken to others about how they should communicate with you?
Have you scheduled regular, committed time to communicate with various people?
Have you considered how you will communicate with younger family members? (I’ve found regular Skype calls with little people really hard to navigate.)
How will you negotiate import events like Christmas? Have you reflected on how this might affect you?
Have you taken time to think about how you as a person might affect your experience?
What do you enjoy doing in your home country?
What activities might be available in your new country?
How do you respond to stress?
What self-care techniques work for you?
What is your personality type? What Enneagram type are you? What does it say about you?
What are your reasons for going?
What do you hope to achieve?
How do you cope with frustrations and disappointments?
What bad habits should you try to deal with before you leave?
Where might you need to be more flexible in your thinking or world-view?
What stereotypes or presumptions might you need to deal with before you leave?
This is a pretty long list. A lot of it could be done with a google search or by watching a few YouTube videos. Some you might need to reflect on for longer. You may want to discuss a few with others who have lived abroad, or close friends and loved ones. I hope this list helps someone and if it does, like or comment! If I failed to add something (because these are only based on my experiences), let me know too.
Living in Cambodia for an extended period has somewhat ruined travel for me. The idea of going to another country and only skimming the surface of the cultural and historical vastness of a country seems a bit incomplete and, inherently by its nature, superficial. The tantalising glimpses of another culture and life only create further questions. It also makes me feel foolish because I used to feel I had a somewhat complete view of a country I had merely visited. I suppose the maxim is true: the more you know, the more you know you don’t know.
It made me think about what questions someone should know the answer to in order to feel like they had a basic grasp on a country. Many countries require a citizenship test, that ask seemingly arbitrary questions, for those wishing to become a citizen of this country. I thought about what questions I would include if I wrote a citizenship test. So far I’ve come up with about 260 questions. Some of them could be a dissertation topic in themselves; some of them would just require a quick google search. Hopefully, some of them would get people to ponder a bit more about the country they live in, are studying or wish to integrate in.
1. The basics
What is the name of the country?
Who leads the country?
What type of government is it?
Who are its nearest neighbours?
What are its major languages?
What is the population of the country?
How many people live in urban areas? What is that as a percentage of the overall population?
What are the largest urban areas in the country? What are their populations?
How many people live in rural areas? What is that as a percentage of the overall population.
How does the country’s population compare to the rest of the region?
What are the different people groups in the country?
Where can they be found?
What is the main people group and what is their attitude towards the others?
Which people groups have the economic power and political power in the country?
What are the different people groups’ attitudes towards the others?
Which people groups live alongside one another?
What type of interactions are there between the groups (business, social, religious, etc.)?
What are the sources of conflict between the people groups?
What stereotypes have each group formed other the other?
What are the obvious shibboleths (cultural markers) of each group?
What are the main differences between the groups?
What is the average age of the country?
What is the average life expectancy of the country?
How does the life expectancy vary regionally, between urban and rural areas, and between people groups?
What is the population growth of the country?
What are the consequences of this growth?
Are some people groups growing quicker than others? What could be the impacts of this change in demographics?
What are the effects of emigration and immigration on the population?
What are the factors causing emigration and immigration?
What are the attitudes towards emigration and immigration?
3. Geography, climate and landmarks
What landscapes are there in a country?
How do the landscapes influence the lifestyle of those living there?
What is the climate of the country?
What seasons are there?
How do the climate and seasons effect the culture and daily life?
How do the landscapes look different according to the seasons?
Is the climate and weather different in different regions?
How do the seasons affect nature, wildlife, crops and harvests?
How have the seasonal changes been affected by climate change?
How has this affected the people?
What natural landmarks are there in the country?
What are the attitudes towards these landmarks?
How are these landmarks a part of the national identity?
What manmade landmarks are there in the country?
What are the attitudes towards these landmarks?
How are these landmarks a part of the national identity?
4. Culture and values
What is the dominant culture?
Is it a individualistic or communal culture?
Is it a guilt culture, shame culture or fear culture?
What are the significant cultural values?
What of the consequences of breaching these cultural values?
How do others respond to social deviance?
How is social order and the status quo maintained?
What behaviours are considered polite or impolite?
What do they celebrate?
How do they celebrate?
How do they respond to major life events (births, deaths, sickness, marriage, new job, job loss, moving house)?
What are the general fears of the culture?
What do they do to alleviate these fears?
What secular holidays or national celebrations are there?
How are the holidays and celebrations linked to the climate, geography or nature of the country?
What do these holidays and celebrations tell us about what is important to this culture?
What are the influences of minority cultures, neighbouring cultures or other cultures on the culture of this country?
What social hierarchies and class systems are there?
How can you tell the difference between those of difference social status?
Is it easy to gain social status?
What generational differences are there in terms of cultural values?
What are the traditional arts, songs, instruments and dances of the country?
Are these traditions being preserved or are they dying out?
What other traditional cultural artefacts are there?
Who performs or creates these cultural artefacts?
Where can you see them displayed or being created?
What are the myths and legends of the culture?
What stories are famous and often told?
What proverbs are there?
What are the major events to affect the country within living memory?
How are these events remembered and commemorated?
What effect do these events have on the national psyche and sense of identity?
How do different generations view the events?
How do the different people groups view these events?
How widespread was the effects?
How does the global community view the events?
How is this similar or different to how it is viewed in the country?
How are these events taught in schools?
How are they talked about?
What historical events are still celebrated or commemorated in the country?
How are they remembered?
What does the remembrance of these events suggest about nation values and identity?
How are these historical events viewed across generations and people groups?
How have these historical events been mythologised over time?
How are they taught in school?
What is the dominant religion of the country?
How does it affect the social structure of the country and of communities?
What religious buildings are there in the country and in the average community?
How does religion affect daily life?
What religious festivals and observances are there?
How does faith affect views towards major life events?
How do they believe the world was created?
Where do humans come from according to their beliefs?
How do they explain other natural phenomenon?
What happens when people die?
Will the world end? How will it happen?
How do people interact with the spiritual domain?
Who is able to interact with the spiritual domain?
What hierarchies does religion create or enforce in the country?
What role does religion have in maintaining the status quo?
How is this country’s religion different from its neighbours?
How do people of this country worship in a way that is different to other adherents of that faith?
What superstitions are there?
What objects, animals or natural phenomenon have spiritual significance?
What beliefs are there in fate or luck?
How can you change your fate or luck?
7. Family life
What is the size of an average family unit?
Who makes up an average family?
How many people will live in the same house?
What is the size of an average house? How many rooms does it have?
How many children does an average woman have?
What are the roles of each member of a family?
Do families live within the same communities?
What are the attitudes towards care for the elderly?
How are children raised, disciplined and nurtured?
What is the average age to get married?
When are you considered past your prime?
Who haves the economic power or responsibility in a family?
What traditions and practices are there relating to pregnancy and birth?
What traditions and practices are there relating to death and illness?
How do they celebrate birthdays?
What ceremonies are related to courting, engagements and weddings?
What is the attitude towards divorce and infidelity?
What are the rates of domestic abuse?
Are there differences in family life between urban and rural areas? What are they and why are there these differences?
How has the look of the family changed between generations?
What does a family meal look like?
How often do extended families eat together?
8. Daily life
What time do people get up?
What time do they go to bed?
How many people share a bed?
What are the children’s/babies sleep routines? Are they different from the adults?
How many days a week do they work?
How long are their work hours?
What are the household tasks or chores that need doing?
Who does them?
Where do they do their shopping?
How many meals do they eat a day?
What do they eat for each meal?
Do they eat at home or do they eat out?
How much money do they spend on grocery shopping?
What do they do with their free time?
Who do they spend their free time with?
What is the most popular non-alcoholic and alcoholic drink in the country?
What sports are popular in this country?
What music do they listen to?
Do they use social media? Which sites do they use?
Do they have access to television, radio or films? What do they watch?
What objects would you find in the average house? What are they for?
What daily struggles or frustrations might a person face?
What transportation do people use on a daily basis?
What do people wear on a daily basis?
What influences the fashions and what is worn?
How far do people travel on a regular basis?
What are the names for community units? How are they structured?
What hierarchies are in place? Who has authority within a community?
Where do communities gather?
When do communities gather?
Where do communities interact?
Where is the heartbeat of community life?
What is the relationship between private and public life?
Who are the gatekeepers to the communities?
Who knows everyone’s business in a community?
What social ties are there within communities?
How do people feel about spending time with others?
How do people feel about spending time alone?
How many people have visited other countries?
10. Education and employment
What level of the population are literate?
What is the education system of the country?
What is the attitude towards education in the country?
How many children attend school?
How big are the average classroom sizes?
How do the following factors affect educational attainment: gender, region and affluence?
Which educational establishments have the best reputation?
What is the most common type of degree, certification or training?
How do most people find work?
What is the rate of employment in the country?
What are the consequences of unemployment?
Which sector is the largest provider of employment in the country?
Which company is the largest employer?
What is considered a good job in the country?
What is the average wage?
How many people live in poverty?
What sectors are growing in the country? How is this impacting employment?
11. Health and safety
Does the average family have a fresh water supply? Where do they get their water from?
Does the average family have access to electricity? What are the sources of electricity?
How do they maintain cleanliness and hygiene?
Does the average family have access to a toilet?
What illnesses are common in the country?
How are they treated? How are they prevented?
Is prevention, treatment and health education widespread?
What is the infant mortality rate?
How many people per doctor are there in the country?
What is the leading cause of death?
What is the rate of alcohol addiction?
What is the rate of substance abuse?
Where are the best hospitals?
Who has access to them?
What is the attitude towards medical treatment?
What traditional practises are used to treat illnesses?
How do cultural beliefs impede improvements in health?
What dangerous animals are a risk in that country?
What is the safest way to travel?
What do people feel afraid of? What makes them feel unsafe?
How long is the dominant language’s alphabet?
What are the main features of the language?
What other languages are spoken?
What gestures or facial expressions are important?
What gestures or facial expressions are best avoided?
Is the communication style direct or indirect?
What honorific terms are used?
How is status, hierarchy or social identity revealed through speech?
How similar is spoken speech to its written language?
What percentage of the population uses mobile phones?
What are the major network providers?
Is there a postal service and how do you use it?
How is major news and important information distributed?
What TV stations are there?
What newspapers are there?
Is the country an LEDC (less economically developed country) or MEDC (more economically developed country)?
What is the GDP per capita?
What is the percentage of annual GDP growth?
What factors have promoted economic growth in the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
What factors have prevented economic growth in the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
How has the life expectancy changed over the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
How has the infant mortality rate changed over the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
How has the literacy rate changed over the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
What is the country’s largest source of money?
What is their biggest export?
How many tourists visit a year?
Where do the tourists come from?
Who benefits most from tourism?
Who benefits most from businesses?
How is the country’s wealth distributed?
What are major common themes in the various answers?
What are the biggest trends in growth?
What are the reasons for optimism for the country?
Who is doing important working in promoting change for the country?
What are the major challenges this country might face in the future?
What are the possible solutions to such challenges?
What changes do people predict for the country?
What changes do you predict for the country?
What could the outside world do for the country?
What is your own personal relationship with the country?
What are your thoughts and feelings about the various topics?
What surprised you the most?
What topics would you research further?
How did you find the answer to the questions?
What personal anecdotes do you have about adjusting to life in this country?
What sources of conflict are there between your native culture and your second (or third) culture?
What have been the major challenges for you adapting to this country?
How do you feel about the country now having answered the questions?
What discovery do you think will be the most helpful in integrating into this country?
What mistakes have you made in the past that you now understand more fully having answered these questions?
I can probably answer about 40% of the questions with any accuracy. The answers would be too long for a single blog post, but I might try answering them. By the time I have finished them all, I would probably have a rather comprehensive research paper on my hands.
Hopefully, others that I intending to get to know a particular country more fully, or just cement what they know about a place more fully, will find this list interesting and helpful.
Wow, 2018 has been quite a year. It’s had two British royal weddings; a FIFA World Cup in Russia; the Commonwealth Games in Australia; Mark Zuckerberg testified in front of Congress; 4 UK citizens were poisoned using the nerve agent Novichock killing one; the northern white rhinoceros became extinct; Indonesia was hit by both an earthquake and a few months later a tsunami, together leaving tens of thousands dead and hundreds of thousands injured; and a children’s football team and their coach were rescued from caves in Thailand. When considered next to this global perspective, my life is not nearly as significant or dramatic, but 2018 was an important year for me, just the same.
It’s also really difficult to look back on: not emotionally but in terms of ordering and placing certain events that happened. My brain did this weird thing when I arrived back in Cambodia. The previous year in Cambodia and the subsequent year back in the UK seem to have gone through this strange cognitive shift. My brain seems to have arranged them so that UK life and Cambodia life maintain a contiguous narrative. So thinking about early 2018 is really hard, because I have to make a mental effort to tell my brain those events did happen at that point in time. I’ve currently got a Facebook poll going to see if anyone relates to this. If I’m on my own, I’ll let you know.
Seeing as this blog is as much about recording memories for me as it is about sharing them with you all, I thought I would try to sum up the whirlwind that was my life.
In December 2017, I applied for a position at HOPE International School in Cambodia. On 11th January, I was offered an interview. This would be a Skype interview at 6.00 am on a Wednesday, before I went to work. The interview was a success and I was offered a job two days later. I was returning to Cambodia. However, at this point, I did not know whether I was going to be living in Phnom Penh or Siem Reap. HOPE has two campuses and there was a suitable position at both. I had told the school I did not mind which one I went worked at so had to wait for their decision.
I turned 30! I’m not really a huge birthday person (my own, that is- I get more excited about other people’s), but with some reluctance I arranged a celebration. I had to endure the cake being bought in by waitresses singing and shaking tambourines. It was awful. My friends delighted in how terrible I found the experience. The cake was great, though!
I also found out that I would be in Phnom Penh, teaching International Baccalaureate and iGCSE English and English literature. There was a little bit of grieving for the future I would not have in Siem Reap. However, I loved Phnom Penh (I still do), and I reminded myself that I would love it just as much.
It started snowing at the end of February, but eventually got deep enough to have a couple of snow days.
I enjoyed the snow, but I decided I definitely had enough to last me for the next two years in Cambodia. I remember the winter of 2017-2018 as very long, dark and cold. It may be because I had skipped the winter of 2016-17, so I was less prepared, but I remember driving home each day after school and it being very bleak.
I booked my plane tickets: Heathrow to Bangkok (with a change at Moscow); and then Bangkok to Phnom Penh a day later. However, because of the Russian involvement in the US elections, and heightened tension between the UK and Russia due to the recent poisonings in nearby Salisbury, my mother did not approve of my route and airline choice (Aeroflot). However, I was more than happy to exploit the post-World Cup plane prices.
My mum turned 60. I created a “old ladies starter kit” for her. She was overwhelmingly pleased with the gifts, which was concerning as the aim was to buy useless, unwanted presents. The only thing she was particularly horrified by was the pearl chain for her glasses.
April, as it was the holidays, was also a time to start sorting out a lot of my stuff. Most of my belongings went to charity shops.
I also made some បបរ (babar, or Cambodian rice porridge) and Cambodian styled coffee.
“Go to dentist” was one of the first things on my “Return to Cambodia to do list”. I finally ticked it off! I was needlessly anxious about needing more fillings, and I was problem free. (Well, at least my teeth were.)
I remember May was a particularly beautiful month. The sun seemed to shine a lot and it reminded me how beautiful Britain was.
May saw the royal wedding. I baked a lemon and elderflower cake, as that was what Harry and Meghan were having. It was the biggest cake I’ve ever baked.
There are perils of nice weather and living in the New Forest. The excursions into the countryside bought me too close to the local wildlife, and I got my third tick since returning from Cambodia.
The hot weather did bring some spectacular storms, which I hated driving in. However, I braved it, and drove to a hill in an open area of heathland to get a panoramic view of the lightening. Unfortunately, storms don’t film well on iPhones, so what I captured didn’t do it justice.
I drove to Cornwall and back to visit the Bemrose family. It nearly killed my car and I remember there being sand everywhere. It was a great time. It was also a blessing going to the Bemrose’s church and people offering to pray for me.
I also went on a zombie-run with my work bestie. I found out I was no-nonsense and a bit cut-throat in survival situations.
There was a heatwave and everyone seemed to lose their mind. However, it reminded me very much of teaching in Cambodia. I was able to implement some of my hot weather tricks (including wearing t-shirts under you shirt, which everyone thought was crazy, but it isn’t).
The end of the month saw the year 11 prom. I love proms, possibly more than the kids.
I find out that I would not be teaching the International Baccalaureate. This is simultaneously frustrating (I had bought and begun reading the set texts) and a relief as I had little previous knowledge of the system and it was causing me some anxiety.
On the last day of June, I drove up to Coventry and back, for the Bagg-Lowe wedding. It was great to see them get married and to catch up with some old friends!
This was the last month I had to prepare for leaving to Cambodia, as I was leaving on the last Monday of July. So, I intentionally left it quiet. There was only my dad’s massive 60th birthday party, my farewell party, a church goodbye, cooking a Cambodian meal for my church small group, and the various end-of-year goodbyes at school; as well as trying to pack within my baggage allowance. So, July, was in fact, a crazily busy month. I think that was useful in a way, because I just had to get on with it and not think about what was happening.
The last day of school was emotionally charged. A lot of the kids cried. Some of them only came in because it was my last day (missing the last day of school is quite common…). They filled my car with balloons (they spied an opportunity when I was returning somethings from my car to my classroom and hadn’t locked it again). They also designed and bought me a horrible, garish t-shirt and it remains one of my very favourites.
After this whirlwind, I finally packed and was ready to leave…
Early on Monday 23rd July, I headed off towards Heathrow Airport on a flight to Bangkok, Thailand. At last, I was heading back to Cambodia.
I enjoyed my whistle-stop tour of Bangkok (except the part when they tried to sell me expensive jewellery and suits). Bangkok had enough that was familiar to make me feel I was definitely getting close to my goal, but there were enough differences to know I was not quite there yet. Perhaps its because I wasn’t seeing the familiar sights and didn’t have a sense of my bearings, like I do when in Cambodia. The temple tours were fun, though. You definitely get the sense that Thailand (then Siam) was a grander nation than Cambodia in the last few centuries.
After 24 hours in Bangkok, I boarded another plane to Phnom Penh. I was already excited in the airport when I realised, whilst queuing for security, that I was in a line with a group of Cambodians. Then at the departure gate, there were more Cambodians. I did debate for a while whether to try and strike up a conversation, but I think that jet-lag would have made it too hard.
After about an hour, the plane turned and tilted, revealing the meandering Mekong River. I could see Koh Dach (Silk Island) in the centre. Then I could see Chaktomuk (the four faces). Its where the Tonlé Sap river, the Mekong and the distributary Tonlé Bassac all join; the centre of Phnom Penh lies on the banks of this 1 km stretch of water.
We swooped over the north of Phnom Penh. Comparing Bangkok and Phnom Penh as you flew over them, you definitely saw how Phnom Penh was smaller and less dense than the other capital. However, as I saw the familiar grid pattern and boreys (neighbourhoods), I definitely knew which I had the emotional connection to. I did manage not to cry.
I finally arrived in Phnom Penh, a bit dazed and tired. A new colleague took me to my new apartment for the first time. It looked great, but a little bare. I had about a week to sort myself out.
Of course, one of the highlights was being reunited with my Cambodian brother, Vitou.
In the week I had to sort myself, I squeezed in a visit to Siem Reap. I left 11pm on 31st July, to arrive in the town I used to live on 1st August. I had breakfast at my friends’ house, then attended a team prayer meeting, visited the school I worked at and (I think, shared lunch with them), then had another team meeting then went for dinner. The next morning, I was heading back to Phnom Penh. It was definitely a whirlwind. It felt good to be back, but it didn’t make me regret the fact I was now in Phnom Penh.
I started at my new school. The first few weeks were a confusing barrage of alien acronyms and systems. I begun teaching my new classes and it quickly became clear that the students at HOPE has as much life and personality as the ones in Sholing (although it manifests in slightly different ways).
There were also humorous incidents (getting a new gas bottle; being chased by a dog; etc.). I also have a placement test for Khmer classes at G2K. I was tired, somewhat stressed and anxious. They advised I entered at level 3.
I also visited Takeo province for the first time, to visit the Good Neighbours team. They are a part of my sending organisation, WEC, and they run a pre-school and a church in the village. I really enjoyed my time here.
In September, Vitou’s family grew. His wife gave birth to a lovely baby girl!
September was a time of getting into new routines and settling into the new life at HOPE school and north Phnom Penh. I started attending Vitou’s church, which was conveniently right down the road to where I live. I had my first lesson at G2K. My fears were unnecessary, as I really enjoyed the process. I also discovered all the words were on an online shared area, so I could swot up beforehand.
I had my first lesson at G2K. My fears were unnecessary, as I really enjoyed the process. I also discovered all the words were on an online shared area, so I could swot up beforehand.
A friend visited from Malaysia with another of her friends. I took them on a brief tour of Phnom Penh, including Wat Phnom and Central Market.
On the last weekend of September, the new staff had a boat trip along the Tonle Sap and Mekong. It was a great way to see Phnom Penh. On the Saturday, a group of us also went up Phnom Penh Tower, to see the view at the top. With all these night-time photos, they don’t do it justice.
This was again quite a busy month. I was continuing with my Khmer lessons. I also watched a Cambodia vs Singapore football match (Cambodia lost). It was the Pchum Ben holiday. I taught at the rural villages for the first time.
It was also Vitou’s wife’s birthday, so there was a party.
November was Vitou’s birthday, so another party. I had also introduced him and his family to Carl’s Jr. Vitou also began tutoring me Khmer. So, I was doing Khmer at G2K on Mondays and Wednesdays and with Vitou on Tuesday and Thursdays. This did mean that a lot of time on Saturdays was spent retreating to a cafe and tackling the marking and planning I had to do.
Vitou, his whole family and I attempted a trip to Kirirom mountain. We didn’t make it that far as the car broke down. I spent most of the day at Vitou’s dad’s house and then in a car getting towed back to Phnom Penh. Despite not arriving at our intended destination, it was still quite a fun adventure.
The end of November and December were quite stressful and this meant I lost some sleep. This is because it’s marking and reporting deadline time and also I had my Khmer assessment. There were various events going on, and I was often double booked as a result. Also, there’s a difference in western style planning and Khmer style planning for events which often are at odds. However, it was still a really enjoyable month.
It was Vitou’s twin’s birthday. So, again another party. (Next year there will be a party every month from September-December in Vitou’s family.)
There was also the wonderful wedding of my friend, Jonathan. It was great, as I was invited to both the morning and the afternoon session. It was really fun and interesting to see a Christian Khmer wedding ceremony. (I’ll try to blog about it later.)
There was another boat cruise, this time with my WEC team.
I passed my level 3 assessment. I still need to work on some aspects of my pronunciation. I’m going to write myself a plan of action and each week focus on a particular set of sounds. (Sounds geeky, doesn’t it.)
Of course, then there were the various Christmas celebrations. Again, on Christmas Eve I had to negotiate being in two places at once. However, it went without too much problems.
Wow, I’ve been busy
Looking back at it all, I’ve been really busy. 2018 has been a crazy year. The events at the beginning seem a different life-time away. 2019 might be a little bit calmer, but I’m not so sure.
This is the second part of my adventures on Silk Island. To read the rather hilarious first part, click here.
So, Vitou and I escaped the silk weaver’s house. (I can’t even remember her name; I’m that much of a scoundrel.) I did not have to marry anyone, which was a relief. Say that I have commitment issues all you like, but I just wasn’t ready for it, you know?
We weren’t really sure on our next plan, so Vitou phoned his friend to ask what we should do next.
“I’m sorry,” Vitou needlessly apologised. “I have not been here before.”
I would trust Vitou with my life. I’d probably trust him with my credit card PIN. Heck, I’d even trust him with my Facebook login details. So, I accepted whatever plan he decided on and got in his tuk tuk.
Vitou headed north as there was apparently a beach resort at the northern-most tip of Koh Dach. It was a really nice journey, as Silk Island is mostly farmland and countryside. It was a refreshing change from the concrete and the litter and the smelly “canals” (open sewers) you find in Phnom Penh. So I really just enjoyed the scenery and the beauty of it. The tarmacked road turned into gravel road, and we still happily bounced along. Then the gravel stopped.
July and August are apparently meant to have the heaviest rain, but this year it seemed to wait for mid-September. Although the weather was really nice while we were there, the downpours throughout the week prior had left the roads as nothing but muddy troughs. Being a typical Brit, I didn’t say anything about possibly stopping there. Being Khmer and not wanting to disappoint, Vitou continued. So we both went on through the slippery, uneven terrain. Vitou did brilliantly at guiding the tuk tuk through the mud, but his poor motorbike and tuk tuk did take a bit of a battering.
We did get stuck at one point, so I got out and gave a push. There were other occasions when the jolts and bumps produced concerning noises. I was worried that the wooden tuk tuk would shatter and poor Vitou would have lost his livelihood (tuk tuk drivers are able to hire tuk tuks, but he’d have to pay that as well as the loan he got to buy his current one). I made a mental calculation as to whether it was viable for me to buy him another tuk tuk if my westerner’s weight split this one asunder. (I think you can get the bike and the tuk tuk for around $2000, if anyone is interested.)
We nearly got to the resort when the road turned to nothing but thick mud and high mounds of gravel (there was some sort of construction work happening). However, it was only about another one hundred metres to the resort so Vitou parked the tuk tuk and we got out and walked. There was a really interesting building, possibly a lighthouse. I said it was beautiful; Vitou wasn’t so impressed.
The resort consisted of less than a dozen wooden homes, with two “restaurants”. I mentioned to Vitou about getting food, and he spoke to one of the locals and told me, “You can buy rice and a whole chicken. It is fifteen dollars.”
“Tlai!” I responded. Vitou seemed to agree that it was a bit costly.
We walked up to the beach. However, you know how I said that September has had quite heavy rain. Well, this means the Mekong has swelled and the water levels have drowned the beach. There were dozens of huts (essentially, moveable palm leaf covers with a little bamboo platform underneath), but these had been bought up onto the shore out of the river. The view across the Mekong was impressive (although a little bit obscured by the huts) and you got an impression of how big it actually is.
Vitou told me that this is the place that families from Phnom Penh come when it is really hot. It’s also a romantic get-away where you take your girlfriend, he said. This was not something I really needed to know, not having quite moved on from my previous failed relationship an hour back.
We had a bit more of a look around then walked back to the tuk tuk. I had some cereal bars in my bag, so shared them with Vitou. I’m not sure he would recommend them to a friend, but we were both quite hungry at the time.
We managed to make it back through the mud, then turned and crossed over a narrow channel of the Mekong on a large but bumpy wooden and steel bridge. We then headed towards the Silk Weaver’s Community. It is essentially a museum of Silk Weaving and other eclectic traditional agricultural artefacts. There was even a guide to tell us about it all. It only costs $1 to get in (but you won’t be allowed to leave until you bought some silk).
He showed us two traditional huts on stilts, that were essentially of a His and Her design. The hut for the men had a rounded roof, the women’s hut had a pointed gable. When two families wanted to match-make with their sons and daughters, they would send one young man in to the man’s hut, and a girl into the adjacent hut. I think the ideas was that in their loneliness, they would find comfort in the embrace of one another. Fed up of the topic of Cambodian romance, I was glad when we moved on to the topic of worms.
He took us through the process of the worm breeding and feeding. They cut the cocoons of the female silk butterflies open, but as they did not naturally emerge, their wings are not fully formed preventing them from flying off. They are introduced to the male butterflies, with whom they mate. (The male butterflies seem to go off and die at this point.) The butterflies lay the eggs on paper, which is kept for a number of days. The eggs hatch, and the worms are feed on mulberry leaves that are harvested from the nearby farms. The worms, after a few weeks, weave themselves a silk cocoon. I thought that the butterflies were then boiled alive. However, this is not what happens. Instead, the cocoons are put out into the sun (except the ones that have been left to mature to malformed butterflies), and this is what kills them. Then the cocoons are boiled.
One cocoon makes about one hundred metres of silk. However, 80% of this is relatively coarse and is only used for making things like table runners or scarves. 20% is fine silk fibres, which goes to make more delicate garments. The raw silk is a beautiful golden yellow colour. It is then put on a spindle and a spinning wheel and spun into threads.
We were then taken to the looms and shown these in action. I was able to ask some questions about the process. Apparently, it takes about a month or more to set up a single loom. Each one is set up to weave a particular design. The loom has a number of horizontal bars, with vertical threads hanging down from them. The silk threads of the fabric that is to be woven passes through the vertical threads. The weaver selects the different bars, which then determiners which silks threads are raised and lowered. When the shuttle is passed between the threads, this is what creates the pattern. A simple pattern with have around fifteen of these horizontal bars, a more complex pattern could have forty. The weaver will have to remember which bar to select at which point, in order to create the desired pattern. They also need to be on the look-out for broken threads which need to be mended. After every few feet or so, they will often stop and check the loom, adjusting some of the threads if necessary.
I confused myself just writing that, so if you didn’t follow it, don’t worry. No wonder it takes up to two years to learn the silk weaving process. Then it’s only the old women of the village, who have been weaving for years, that design the different patterns as their extensive weaving experience gives the knowledge of how to do it. It’s amazing the work that actually goes into creating silk.
My guide led Vitou and I around the rest of the centre. This included a small menagerie of animals, including monkeys and porcupines. I thought porcupines were African animals, so was surprised to see one here. (After a bit of research, I discovered they are Malayan or Himilayan porcupines. Unsurprisingly, they are eaten.) There were also peacocks roaming about, but they weren’t the beautiful type you see in country estates in the UK. They looked more like turkeys that were half-way through being plucked ready for Christmas dinner.
We got led to the waterfront, where they had a swimming pool of sorts. I write “of sorts”, because I’m not sure I would brave it. It was essentially a cage sat in the Mekong, and judging by the silt that was being dredged from the pool, it was mostly filled with mud. We were then led past more His and Her huts, and over a little bridge made in the traditional fashion. Vitou was very hesitant to walk over it, probably because he is wiser than I am. It did look, to be fair, as if someone had found a bamboo mat and nailed to the sides of a bridge. The holes suggested that this bridge had seen better days. But it did support the weight of three grown adults, so looks can be deceiving (for now at least).
We got to the end of the museum tour and was about to leave; Vitou helpfully and subtly said, “Perhaps you give him a tip.” So I did, and we went. I asked about getting food somewhere here or just return to Phnom Penh. We decided food was too expensive here so we went back home. In the end, I didn’t have time to get anything to eat before I needed to be at a team meeting in the afternoon.
While waiting for the ferry back, there were some last attempts by locals to sell me more silk. I tried to point out I have enough silk already.
Vitou took me to where the team meeting was being held and I paid him. Normally, in these types of articles, you would detail the costs, including “paying for a tuk tuk driver for a day”. However, Vitou rarely tells me how much I should give him. He probably does it so I can pay a reduced rate, but my sense of gratitude and utter dependence on him means I will pay more than is required. He usually just says, “Pay what you think you should,” then leaves it up to me. I think the usual rate is about $15-$20 for a day. However, I felt obliged to pay for the cost of getting his tuk tuk cleaned and for being my bodyguard/ chaperone/ photographer/ cultural guide for the day as well. I won’t say how much I paid, but it was worth every riel.
So here are my general tips for going to Silk Island:
Bring more money than you think you’ll need. You may need to pay for a wedding or buy your way out of awkward social situations.
Head to the Silk Community Centre first. You’ll see pretty much everything you’ll see elsewhere there.
Don’t go to the top of the island unless it’s been pretty dry.
Don’t let your tuk tuk driver leave your side.
Bring your own food (although there is a restaurant at the ferry terminal on the island, and that doesn’t look too bad).