Control

When Christians back home think of missionaries, I expect they often think of sacrifice and what they’ve had to give up. God has been incredibly gracious to me, and has not asked me to sacrifice all that much (or at least has only asked me to sacrifice a few things that are important to me). I know that I have been abundantly blessed here in Cambodia.

However, recently I have moved house. I have gone from living on my own in a cute one bedroom flat to an entire house with an entire family. For the most part, it is great. But this means I’ve had to sacrifice something that is apparently very important to me: control.

They say that a British man’s home is his castle. There’s a sense of guarding it, controlling it and also isolating yourself within it. Living on my own and also back in the UK with my relatively introverted family meant that guests were invited, we knew when they would arrive and approximately when they would leave. It was very much within the realms of our control.

When I invited a family to move in with me, I forgot I would be inviting Cambodia into live with me as well. Previously I had managed to manufacture a British fortress, or enclave, my little colony. My apartment was a tiny Gibraltar jutting out into the sea that is Southeast Asian culture.

However, with British Imperialism long dead (despite nationalist attempts to flog that dead horse), it wasn’t going to last. So I now live in a Cambodian house. Yes, it’s more of a fusion of our two cultures. But it is a Cambodian family in a Cambodian style house living in Cambodia. Therefore, Cambodia has the upper-hand.

As a result, the come and go nature of Cambodian living (cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents, brothers and sisters all appearing unannounced) is very much a part of my life. And I’ve found it hard. I’ve found it hard that the drawbridge to my fortress has been irrevocably lowered and the gates swung wide opened.

Then twitter post came along to convict me of my selfish thinking.

God has bought me to Cambodia not to set up impenetrable walls and to be at arm’s length from those around me. He called me to be his messenger, his ambassador and his hands and feet. Sometimes it will be messy and uncomfortable and unfamiliar. But me stepping into this situation is nothing compared to Jesus stepping from heaven into the mess and discomfort of our fallen world. So even when I’m tempted to pull up the drawbridge, I’ll remind myself that embassies don’t have them.

Moving abroad skills/preparedness audit

Life in Cambodia can be wildly different to life in the UK. There are different routines, considerations and skills needed in order to survive. There is so much I have learnt to do and there are also many skills I know I’m lacking. If I had the opportunity to do more research, receive more training or practise some skills before I came it may could have made quite a bit of difference and I wouldn’t feel quite at a loss at some points. These just cover the basics; I will probably write another one about cultural integration and awareness. Also, if you enjoy this post but haven’t read my A Million Questions post about learning about a new country, you might find that interesting too.

Health

  • Are your vaccines up-to-date?
  • Do you know your blood type?
  • Do you know the locations of the nearest/best hospitals where you will be living?
  • Have you checked whether you can get hold of any medication you need?
  • Have you researched potential threats to health (e.g. malaria, dengue, Zika virus, parasites)?
  • Do you know how to prevent mosquito bites, insect bites and other local risks to health?
  • What foods are safe to eat and what should be avoided? (This varies from place to place, so the blanket advice for travellers may not be applicable. For example, ice is usually fine in Cambodia!)
  • How may the change in diet or climate impact your health?
  • Have you learnt how to adjust to a different climate?
  • Have you made plans in the case of emergency medical care? Does your family know your plans?

Transport

  • What are the main types of transport in the country you are moving to?
  • Is it the same or different to what you are used to?
  • Would it be worth getting lessons before you leave? (I would have loved to have motorbike lessons before I left; I completely feel as if I’m making it all up.)
  • Do you know basic vehicle maintenance?
  • Do you know about different types, brands or models of that vehicle?
  • What public transport is available in the country?
  • What conditions will you travel in when you take public transport? How might you need to prepare for this?

Clothing

  • What clothing do you need for different seasons?
  • What clothing is available in the country? What will you need to bring more of? (For me – vests, socks and shoes)
  • What are locals’ attitudes towards different types of clothing choice? What image are you trying to convey? How do the clothes you wear convey this?
  • What clothing will be comfortable or practical for different reasons?
  • How will you keep your clothes clean?
  • Do you know how to hand wash clothes?
  • What type of clothes will you have to wear at work? What would be good to wear when out and about?
  • Can you sew?

Food

  • What are the main components of that country’s cuisine?
  • Do you know how to eat it? (For instance, I still struggle to eat fish and prawns because I didn’t eat it a lot at home.)
  • What types of fruit and vegetables are there? Do you know how to eat, prepare and cook them? (For instance, can you cut up a mango?)
  • What type of food and ingredients will be available where you are living?
  • Can you cook some simple meals just on a stove?
  • Do you know how to wash vegetables and meats in an effective and hygienic manner? (Yes, I know that probably back at home you are told not to wash meats. That advice might not apply so much where you are.)
  • Do you know how to avoid foods that you are allergic too?
  • Do you know what substitutions for different ingredients you use often can be used?

Language learning

  • Do you know which languages are used in the country and where you will be living?
  • Do you have a basic idea of language families and their features?
  • Do you know your learning style?
  • Are you aware of the International Phonetic Alphabet and its usage?
  • Are you familiar with the phonemes of your target language?
  • Have you researched language learning techniques?
  • Do you know what resources are available for your target language?
  • Do you know the pros and cons of the different resources (for example is the resource somewhat old-fashioned so now a bit offensive? Yes, FSI courses, I’m looking at you.)

Cultural adjustment

  • Have you researched some of the dos and don’ts of the culture?
  • Are you aware of culture shock, what it is and what it looks like? Have you researched reverse culture-shock?
  • Have you researched your own culture so you are aware of some of the potential pressure points? (Privacy and personal space is a large pressure point for me.)
  • Have you found out what cultures you might be working with? Have you researched them? (You might be working in an international setting. I find more extrovert and say-what-you-mean cultures more difficult than Khmer ones most the time.)

Back at home

  • Have you planned how you will stay in touch with those back at home?
  • Have you researched what methods of communication there are available?
  • Have you spoken to others about how they should communicate with you?
  • Have you scheduled regular, committed time to communicate with various people?
  • Have you considered how you will communicate with younger family members? (I’ve found regular Skype calls with little people really hard to navigate.)
  • How will you negotiate import events like Christmas? Have you reflected on how this might affect you?

Yourself

  • Have you taken time to think about how you as a person might affect your experience?
    • What do you enjoy doing in your home country?
    • What activities might be available in your new country?
    • How do you respond to stress?
    • What self-care techniques work for you?
    • What is your personality type? What Enneagram type are you? What does it say about you?
    • What are your reasons for going?
    • What do you hope to achieve?
    • How do you cope with frustrations and disappointments?
    • What bad habits should you try to deal with before you leave?
    • Where might you need to be more flexible in your thinking or world-view?
    • What stereotypes or presumptions might you need to deal with before you leave?

This is a pretty long list. A lot of it could be done with a google search or by watching a few YouTube videos. Some you might need to reflect on for longer. You may want to discuss a few with others who have lived abroad, or close friends and loved ones. I hope this list helps someone and if it does, like or comment! If I failed to add something (because these are only based on my experiences), let me know too.

2019 in review

Yes, it’s that time of year again. The old calendars are about to get chucked out, new shiny ones ready to be used. Youtubers, facebook walls and bloggers everywhere are reviewing their year. It’s especially essential for rubbish bloggers like me, who fail to write regularly, and my facebook posts are an eclectic mix mainly detailing my sleeping habits and the weather. So this is what 2019 looked like.

January

On January 1st, I headed off to Mondulkiri with Vitou. It was such a great time to spend with him and a great opportunity to explore more of Cambodia. It amazed me how comparatively cold it was. I bought a scarf. So, okay, it was only about 18C at night, but that was cold enough.

January was a month of mosquitoes. They were everywhere. And I don’t mean a few. I mean hundreds. Mosquitoes are not just an annoying pest. They are dangerous here. They carry dengue fever and although it usually just leads to something like severe flu, it can be fatal if complications arise. 2019 has been a particularly bad year for dengue, but so far I’ve escaped!

The first three or four months of 2019 were actually pretty hard. There were a few times when I had to have a moment’s moan.

January was also the month I melted a teapot. I actually did it again in April. But I eventually found a stove teapot with a louder whistle so you can’t forget about it.

February

February was quite intense and filled with ups and downs. The general struggles of living in Cambodia continued: mosquitoes and rising temperatures.

It was also the month when I turned 31! That was great. Vitou surprised me at 6:30 am with a birthday cake. Then, on the Saturday, we had a boat party. Read about that Saturday here. (Updates from that post- the hair cut turned out to be quite uneven around my ears; the money situation was fine; half the glow sticks spoiled in the Cambodian heat and couldn’t be used. Ah, Cambodia, you do make life interesting.)

The following week was camp week. This was a one-week residential, and I was on team middle school. Therefore, we took grades 6, 7 and 8 off to Shalom Valley, which is near Kep on the coast of Cambodia. It was a really good week. We did, however, have two hospitalisations (they weren’t life-threatening). You’d think the injury was from the dangerous looking obstacle course or the fire juggling or the mountain walk, wouldn’t you? No. One was at sustained at the butterfly farm and the other just walking from their room to dinner. It just goes to show that risk assessments never truly reflect reality.

Straight after this week was the WEC Cambodia prayer retreat. It was good to see everyone, but I was pretty out of it for a lot of the time. Also, I got (mildly) electrocuted having a shower and I then got very ill. Poor Vitou agreed to pick me up from the hotel. I didn’t tell him I was getting unwell, so he decided to take me on an errand another hour out of Phnom Penh. Then, I had to force myself to eat some of the food his aunt offered me, despite feeling ready to vomit everywhere. Finally, after an hour of waiting, I admitted I felt unwell and we went home. It turns out a few other people from my WEC team were ill as well and I probably got off quite lightly. I did have to take a few days off work.

March

The unrelenting march (see what I did there?) of difficulties continued. The temperature was soaring and power cuts were becoming a daily occurrence. My facebook posts reflected this as well as this blog post: It’s a hot mess.

However, there were great moments too. I went to Takeo a few times for the village ministry, which was always great fun.

March definitely taught me some lessons on how to be grateful despite difficulties.

April

April meant a two-week break. It was much needed. I explored the Cambodian countryside visiting various friends and family of Vitou. It was great. However, at some times it was difficult. I was the outsider and I didn’t feel as if I completely fitted in. I also ran over a dog (it was fine!). I also got to go to Khmer wedding number 7.

I bought my own motorbike! She’s called Makara and she’s my best friend.

I also had my first falling out with Vitou. Basically, someone died and I threw a tantrum because I wasn’t the first person everyone thought about. (If you’re judging me right now, please, go ahead. I am fully aware that I am a really terrible person.) Vitou was unnecessarily apologetic and I received a public facebook declaration from Vitou that he had done something terribly wrong. That was a bit of an insight into the shame-honour culture of Cambodia and how relationships exist in the public sphere rather than the being just between you and the friend. We’ve made up. Vitou still thinks it’s his fault, which clearly it isn’t. (Vitou, if you’re reading this: you’re the best!)

May

My brother visited! It was great for him to experience Cambodia, even if it was very brief. He met Vitou and the family. He also met some of my colleagues in Siem Reap. (Poor guy.) He loved it here. It did mean I had to sleep on the floor for a week.

It’s not me!

June

I finished a year a HOPE. I passed my level 5 Khmer assessment with flying colours! I put a post up about these achievements on Facebook. Obviously, I could rely on my brother to be encouraging in this situation.

It was quite a tough academic year in some ways. Much of it was the bureaucratic and administrative aspect of schools. The kids are great. The colleagues are supportive. But meetings, grading, reports, admin just kills me. It makes it hard that HOPE school has bits from all across the globe so sometimes the systems seem nonsensical but do fulfil a purpose somewhere.

July

I returned to the UK for two weeks. It was a very quick trip but it felt like the right length. Any longer and I think I would have got itchy feet. It was great to catch up with friends and family and to gorge myself on British cakes and fried breakfasts.

The most significant part of that trip was meeting my little baby niece for the first time. Of course, it was great to see my older niece too and see how much she has grown. I managed to have some really nice time with family. My sister-in-law also did some amazing baking. She might have even robbed me of my status as “best baker in the family”.

Then there was the ten-day WEC Cambodia conference in Kampong Thom (a province in central Cambodia). It was nice to see another small part of Cambodia. One of the most difficult things I’ve faced over the last year was not feeling a part of the WEC team so much. There are a lot of reasons for this: most of the members I knew already are not in Phnom Penh and simply because school life can be all-absorbing. However, spending quality time with the WEC team was really helpful in reestablishing my sense of belonging in the team. That was a real blessing.

August

School started again, with some logistical difficulties (of course, it is Cambodia). This meant filling in for teachers and merging classes for a few weeks. I also started teaching drama, which was quite scary and daunting. I new the course requirements and I understood the syllabus and exams. However, translating that information into actual lessons was quite a challenge.

Rainy season started with dramatic results, and there was quite a bit of flooding across the country. Fortunately for me, Phnom Penh was not particularly affected.

The general challenges of life in another country continued too.

I also started dating someone.

September

School life seems to absorb everything, especially if you are a yes person. I was working on the school production, being proof-reader for various newsletters and things. However, I had another week off for Pchum Ben, which was an opportunity to sit and relax. I visited a zoo and got to relax on a boat, then went to visit Vitou’s family in Kandal province again.

I also started another level at G2K, this one was Christian Studies 2. It was unbelievably helpful and interesting. Over 10 weeks, I learnt about Khmer culture and barriers to the gospel, as well as learning to pray in Khmer and sing Khmer worship songs.

October

I think one of the biggest journeys I’ve been on this year is exploring my attitude towards cultures and learning more about them. I absolutely love Cambodia. I love its countryside; I love its vibrancy; I love its people. Yes, there are frustrations and difficulties. Most of the time they are funny or momentary.

I do believe missionaries have a God-given responsibility to honour the host culture they are in. They are to encourage and love the people they are interacting with. It challenged me how I can be a good guest in Cambodia.

This month introduced a new, exciting challenge into life in Cambodia: getting to school. Due to building works, bad weather, large factory trucks tearing up the surface and just construction workers dumping soil on the road, it was a daily challenge to arrive clean and in one piece. Also, at school we had to complete a lot of documentation for the Ministry of Education, which put extra pressure on all the teachers. It helped that we had a few days off dotted through the month. 

November

This month was Water Festival month. I really love Water Festival and I got to go to the riverside with Vitou’s family to celebrate. There were fireworks and a procession of lit-up barges. It’s very crowded but great fun.

It was also just busy. First, the WEC Cambodia team had visitors from WEC UK, to do some filming of the various ministries of WEC missionaries here. This meant they were also visiting the school. It was great to have them here but also, in some ways, exhausting. They only visited me for one day, but as I had to sort cover etc. for my lessons it meant that there were logistical aspects that needed organising.

Also, the school production was drawing ever closer. This meant sources, painting, repairing props and things for back stage. Most of my life was spent in Japanese two-dollar stores or Japanese secondhand stores.

It didn’t help that I started suffering from insomnia. I again had to take a few days off because I just didn’t sleep for a number of consecutive days. It’s a lot better now, but I will still have the odd night when I don’t sleep.

December

The school play, reports and the end of the G2K course all hit at once. It was a crazy week and at some points it was a struggle to get to the end. Somehow I did it and now I’m on the wind down towards the Christmas holidays. The school production was a big success and the students who took part made us all very proud! It’s amazing that such a small school could have so many intelligent, wonderful young people.

Then there was the general election in the UK. It’s always strange being on the outside of such events. You get somewhat removed from the media circus and it means that perhaps you can stand back a bit and think about it in a different way. This led to me writing a post about how democracy will never save us.

I’m also going to be moving house. This will mean packing, cleaning my current apartment, buying new furniture, cleaning the new house, then unpacking and settling in. I’m lucky to have a few weeks off as well as a holiday to Kep booked.

2020

2020 is going to see a lot of changes for me, and not everything is certain. The only thing, in fact, that is certain is that I will be making 2020-vision jokes until at least May. And of course, that God will continue to be faithful regardless of mosquitoes, power cuts, dust and other problems.

How could you stay?

As a missionary, you get told “I couldn’t do what you do.” There is a belief that it takes a special type of person or a particular calling to make the move abroad and work building God’s kingdom there. I would say that isn’t true. (At least I don’t think I’m special but I do think I have calling.) It’s thought that it takes great sacrifice, bravery and zeal to do this.

It doesn’t.

What people who haven’t done this don’t see is the joy, the privilege and the real rewards of moving overseas.

You get such a rich experience of humanity and life. You suddenly see how great and broad and universal and varied the human race is. You hear such stories: heart-warming stories; heart-breaking stories; inspiring stories; terrifying and tragic stories; lovely stories, often from the same person’s life. You get to be a part of these stories and then your story and hundreds of other stories become permanently intertwined. The real privilege is when you get to see God beautifully transform these stories, redeeming, renewing, rewriting them into the story of his perfect kingdom.

Your understanding of God’s grace and goodness and glory grows. As you encounter the needs of nations and the cultural perspectives of different peoples, you see how the enormity of the gospel speaks into these different contexts, not just your own. The faith of believers that face difficulties and persecution and poverty you’ve never imagined challenges you and your mustard-seed faith. Worshipping alongside those from different nations, tribes and tongues gives you a small picture of heaven.

You see the beautiful humanity of the saints that go. Often missionaries are put on pedestals but when you’re among them you learn how human the Hudson Taylors and Jackie Pullingers are. I recently read a book Subversive Jesus by Craig Greenfield. I know his family as I work with his wife and their children attend the school where I teach. The family is as amazing and feisty and cool as they sound in the book. However, I also watched Nay, Craig’s wife, walk into a metal pillar today because she wasn’t watching where she was going. The sense of misplaced awe towards these people is stripped away and replaced with the sense of awe that God uses people like me. That is an amazing and also terrifying realisation to have.

Then, of course, are some of the beautiful sights and sounds that you grow to love.

Everyday, I get struck with a feeling of jaw-dropping confusion that I get to live here in Cambodia, serving God.

When you read the eye-watering statistics, it’s hard not to feel the pull. 3.14 billion people have never heard of Jesus. Over 70,000 people die everyday not having heard the gospel. For perspective 70,000 is about the population of Rugby and Shrewsbury. These people are living and perishing in darkness.

So, if you think you couldn’t go, well, I certainly couldn’t stay.

If you haven’t prayed and thought about joining global missions, then please do so. It’d be such a shame that you miss out on such blessings just because it hadn’t occurred to you to consider going.

Being a good guest

Imagine you’ve lived in the same house for many years, with the same people. You’ve built up routines and traditions – every Christmas you do it the same way; every Sunday you sit down in the afternoon to watch a particular TV programme, usually with a similar TV dinner; you listen to the same radio station as you’re doing the washing up in the evenings. You’re comfortable. You’ve decorated your house how you like it. It’s pretty good.

Now imagine, all a sudden, some lodgers moved in. For some reason they were just there. You did your best to accommodate their needs. You made sure there was food they liked in the fridge. You checked whether their rooms were comfortable. You did your best to make them feel welcome.

Then you heard these lodgers talking among themselves. They were complaining about the food you provided and how it wasn’t the same as what you were used to. They grumbled how often you didn’t get hold of the things they really wanted or if you tried, it just wasn’t as good as back home. They didn’t like your taste in music and wished you’d stop playing it. They wanted to watch a different programme on Sunday evenings and found this tradition of watching the same show annoying. They wanted to redecorate because they found your taste garish. They joked about how simple, old-fashioned and, in someways, backwards you were.

Then it started to get really strange. They started to wear your clothes. And all the time they were complaining how the didn’t fit and how they were uncomfortable. You came home one day to find the kitchen gutted. They were remodelling it for you with “better” and “nicer” appliances – ones you never asked for. It was going to be in a more modern style.

Surely, you would think they are terrible lodgers! They’re rude, entitled and opinionated. Their remarks are arrogant and unnecessary.

So why is it that as expats living as guests in a country that is not our own, we often act like these lodgers. We complain that the foods or the amenities we are used to aren’t available. We mock their music or tastes or traditions. If we are inconvenienced by these things in the slightest, we act like they specifically designed it to irk us.

I know that I’ve been guilty of this. I joked to my Khmer friend about how difficult it was to understand how Khmer people don’t plan things. I explained British people always plan and sometimes it was difficult for me that they didn’t plan trips beforehand. He simply replied:

Oh, that’s because we’re poor.

He went on to explain that often they had to wait until a few days before the event to check whether they had enough money to actually go. There was no point in making plans just to be disappointed when you couldn’t afford to do it. Even if they were trying to save, illnesses or flat tires or running out of gas in your stove would mean you’d have to pay out. So, it is just easier to make plans when you know they could happen.

Obviously, I felt foolish and cruel. I had shown no understanding or kindness. I had not attempted to see things from their point of view. I’d thought I’d try their lifestyle a bit, put on their clothes and then complain when it didn’t fit. They were gracious enough to include me in their trips and their holidays, and I just focussed on how one aspect of it rubbed up against my cultural experiences.

There is also an arrogance when it comes how we treat Khmer people. If their worldview isn’t the same as ours, we dismiss them as simple or backwards. We forget that their ideas might just be as complex and meaningful, we just haven’t taken the time to explore them. Or that due to hierarchies and social roles, it’s not the employees’ job to solve the problem, it’s the bosses’.

We also forget that they are not stupid, they just haven’t had the same opportunities. They haven’t had piano lessons and ready access to a computer since they were a child. I know many of my Khmer friends, with their dedication and intellect, would have far outpaced me if we had attended the same schools. It’s just that we didn’t.

So, we often come in, high on our degree certificates and a book we read, thinking we have a solution. We demolish things that may have been working fine and decided they need an overhaul just because they don’t suit our “modern” tastes.

So, I’m trying to learn. Currently, I’m sat in my bedroom with a funeral happening outside. This means loud music, gongs, and my motorbike sometimes being blocked in. But I’m a guest. Why should I feel that they should change years of tradition just for me? Who am I to criticise or moan? So, for now, I’ll try to focus on the privilege it is to have been welcomed into this nation and how rich the experience is – weddings, funerals and all.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

  • When have you been unfairly critical of a part of your host culture?
  • Where could you be more generous and understanding?
  • What areas of conflict between your culture and your host culture have you experienced? How did you resolve this?
  • What resources or experiences have been particularly helpful in feeling more integrated or at least understanding your host culture?

Sit and relax

These last few weeks (or perhaps months) have felt a little bit like death by a thousand cuts. (This was a form of execution or post-mortem humiliation, where a criminal would have parts of their body cut off and limbs amputated one by one.) My problem is that I happen to be a bit of a “yes” person. I like to help where I can and I find it hard to say no. What ends up happening is that I will have a large range of commitments in different areas and I have been struggling somewhat to stay afloat. The first problem is my lack of foresight. I will commit to something in the future, forgetting that, as always, more immediate and unexpected concerns come up. Therefore, currently I am committed to language learning, proof-reading various prayer letters, the school production, fortnightly WEC meetings, meetings with my WEC supervisor. I’ve had to drop the English teaching in the province for a while as my calendar seems to be bursting at the seams.

These could all be manageable if I didn’t have other things to do: plan lessons, respond to parents’ emails, mark work, go to meetings, chase up homework, my washing, shopping. Often these are small tasks, that on their own are not going to create an overwhelming sense of stress, but together they can create a sense of panic. Then, inevitably, someone will come up with “one small thing” or a “little favour” and it’s added to the 1000 other small things that are on your to-do list.

Even while I have been on holiday, the emails have been mounting (316 and rising) and the to-do list has been hanging over me. I’ve found it very difficult to switch off and my mind has already been jumping to the Christmas break.

Despite all of this, or rather because of this, I find that Cambodia is good for my soul. I love this country; I love Phnom Penh; I love the countryside; I love the vibrancy and the distractions it provides. A quick motorbike ride is enough to clear some of the cobwebs and to get you outside of your own head for a little bit. The chaos of the traffic and focusing on all the things happening immediately around you means that you can’t help but forget about the stresses of everyday life.

I’ve also been privileged enough to escape the city for a little bit. I visited Phnom Tamao Zoo then to one of the Cambodian beauty spots for lunch, and yesterday I also went to the province to visit Vitou’s family again. There’s something great about spending some time with Khmer people. You can just sit back, enjoy a few cans of Cambodia lager (I had just 2 throughout the whole day; the Cambodians have a few more), and eat the endless train of food that is set before you.

A riverside hut where river market stalls (equipped with grills) come provide snacks.

For Cambodians, sitting there with others whilst texting or doing something different isn’t seen as rude. There is no real concept of the divide of and public/private life. Most of their life is spent in the presence of others – Cambodians don’t really like time alone. So, it’s fine to spend some of it doing solitary things, with others around you. You can just sit there, enjoy each other’s presence, but have no pressure to be a witty raconteur or fill the awkward silences. It’s acceptable to just listen to conversations, play a game on your mobile, message other people, or just pick at the food laid out in front of you. You may have to interrupt what you are doing to join one of the ceaseless “cheers!” that happen at Khmer gatherings. Whatever the occasion, whether it is in a little bamboo hut on the bank of a river or at someone’s house, it’s okay, expected even, to just angkuy leng (ɑːŋkuj leːŋ) – sit and relax.

Keeping in touch with home

Some people actually seem to appreciate that I flood everyone’s inbox, facebook feed and general life with news about myself. Apparently, I’m better than average at keeping in touch with people back at home, so I was asked to give some tips to others in similar situations. I looked back on my previous posts and it turns out past me is wiser than I thought. (However, even a stopped clock is right twice a day, so I shouldn’t be too self-congratulatory.) In 2016, I wrote What I wish I knew 2, which deals with some of the emotional aspects of maintaining those relationships. Read it first! Also, this FAQ Thursday touches on this as well.

It’s really easy to feel isolated, forgotten about and disconnected. Some of that is because the people back home won’t know about your life . However, here are some ideas of how to maintain contact with home. Some of them are silly and whimsical, others take more time and investment.

Write a regular newsletter

This is the main technique that people in my situation use. It’s a quick and easy way to disseminate a lot of information quickly to a lot of people. There are of course some pros and cons.

Newsletters are rather impersonal. By their nature, they’re a catch-all and generic. People receiving them may feel a little indifferent to it, as they feel like they’re just one of an email list (which, of course, is true). Also, the time that goes into it doesn’t match the response. Very few people will ever respond to a newsletter (if you’re reading it, make it a personal mission to respond to newsletters!).

I’m not at all suggesting that you ditch the newsletter, but if you still want to maintain contact with home, you probably have to do things on top of this too.

Use social media

Facebook and any other type of social media is a blessing and a curse. It can suck time and compound feelings of homesickness. But it’s also a way to interact with those at home in a more personal way. I have used groups and pages in the past. There are reasons for this, if you think its social media overkill.

My Facebook page is public and open to everyone. It’s a way of presenting information to those that I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m close with but would like to maintain communication with (for example, those you met at a convention or something). It’s meant to be light and not particularly personal.

My Facebook group is by invite only. It is a bit more picky. I have criteria for who gets in the group. (Mostly, they’re Christians as it’s where I share things about my faith; they’re from home / not linked to my work here. These aren’t hard and fast rules.) Here I can post personal information, things I am struggling with, things I am enjoying. As the information is more personal, it seems a little bit more intentional in terms of who is receiving what and why.

Make an event of it

Sometimes, it’s really hard feel like you are connecting with people. Information is going out, a few likes and responses are going in. Also, there is no sense of immediacy. It might be hours or days until you get a reply. Time zones and people simply not knowing your routine means that phone calls etc., are a bit trickier.

One way is to make an event of a catch up. I’ve used Facebook live before. It was planned, at a set time on a set day and I advertised the fact I was doing it a few weeks in advance. I’ve also sent out invites to Skype calls. It was sent to particular individuals I wanted to catch up with, with the available days and times I was available to Skype.

Example invite I sent out over WhatsApp to friends.

It creates a sense of significance and it encourages a response. It is also helpful, as it’s hard enough to remember what the time difference means and when to catch up. Remember, be very specific about which time zone you are talking in though!

Remember them!

Remember birthdays, Mothers Day, Christmas etc. I’ve found out moonpig.com is my friend. I can schedule cards to be sent on the day in advance. This is quite hard, as often your brain is a bit disconnected with the rhythms back at home. This means I don’t have to worry about missing it because of timezones or internet problems.

Be creative

There are just some silly ways to keep in contact. Tag people in memes. Send a joke. Arrange an event when you do something at the same time, just on other sides of the world (e.g. watch the latest episode of a TV series). Sometimes, personalising it is especially helpful.

Flipping cultural values

I don’t think until I arrived in a different country and worked in an extremely international setting that I realised the extent of how different cultures could be. Furthermore, what is perceived as a positive and significant value in one culture is easy to dismiss as negative, rude or backwards in another. Stereotypes, conflicts and miscommunications often arise when these cultural values clash. However, if you take what can be seen as a negative cultural trait and try and flip it to its positive cultural value, it can be helpful in seeing why people behave how they do.

Negative perceptionPositive Cultural Trait
Aloof and coldRespect for personal boundaries
Loud and brashOpen and welcoming
Disingenuous or dishonestDiplomatic
Rude or bluntHonest and straighforward
VaguePrivate
UnfeelingPragmatic
Dramatic and intensePassionate, responsive, empathetic
Intrusive or nosyInterested, community orientated
Superficial relationshipsTreats everyone with warmth
Unforthcoming and taciturnDesires deep, genuine relationships
Over-familiar with superiors/eldersEgalitarian
Obsequious or passiveRespect for authority and social rank
FlippantRelaxed and easy-going
Pompous or nitpickerRespect for ceremony and rules

I’ve seen in forums or heard in meetings people talking about how Khmer people are dishonest or don’t mean what they say. However, it made me laugh. As a Brit, diplomacy or tact is quite important (unless you’re a considered a close friend, then we’re really rude), so multiple times a day I would say something that other cultures would perceive as a lie. I did once try to point this out to those that said this, but I’m not sure if I was direct enough.

I’m definitely having to learn to be generous to others in terms of how I perceive them. I’m trying but it’s still very much a work in process. Which cultural traits values do you align with? Which negative traits do you see in others?

A million questions

Living in Cambodia for an extended period has somewhat ruined travel for me. The idea of going to another country and only skimming the surface of the cultural and historical vastness of a country seems a bit incomplete and, inherently by its nature, superficial. The tantalising glimpses of another culture and life only create further questions. It also makes me feel foolish because I used to feel I had a somewhat complete view of a country I had merely visited. I suppose the maxim is true: the more you know, the more you know you don’t know.

It made me think about what questions someone should know the answer to in order to feel like they had a basic grasp on a country. Many countries require a citizenship test, that ask seemingly arbitrary questions, for those wishing to become a citizen of this country. I thought about what questions I would include if I wrote a citizenship test. So far I’ve come up with about 260 questions. Some of them could be a dissertation topic in themselves; some of them would just require a quick google search. Hopefully, some of them would get people to ponder a bit more about the country they live in, are studying or wish to integrate in.

1. The basics

  1. What is the name of the country?
  2. Who leads the country?
  3. What type of government is it?
  4. Who are its nearest neighbours?
  5. What are its major languages?

2. Demographics

  1. What is the population of the country?
  2. How many people live in urban areas? What is that as a percentage of the overall population?
  3. What are the largest urban areas in the country? What are their populations?
  4. How many people live in rural areas? What is that as a percentage of the overall population.
  5. How does the country’s population compare to the rest of the region?
  6. What are the different people groups in the country?
  7. Where can they be found?
  8. What is the main people group and what is their attitude towards the others?
  9. Which people groups have the economic power and political power in the country?
  10. What are the different people groups’ attitudes towards the others?
  11. Which people groups live alongside one another?
  12. What type of interactions are there between the groups (business, social, religious, etc.)?
  13. What are the sources of conflict between the people groups?
  14. What stereotypes have each group formed other the other?
  15. What are the obvious shibboleths (cultural markers) of each group?
  16. What are the main differences between the groups?
  17. What is the average age of the country?
  18. What is the average life expectancy of the country?
  19. How does the life expectancy vary regionally, between urban and rural areas, and between people groups?
  20. What is the population growth of the country?
  21. What are the consequences of this growth?
  22. Are some people groups growing quicker than others? What could be the impacts of this change in demographics?
  23. What are the effects of emigration and immigration on the population?
  24. What are the factors causing emigration and immigration?
  25. What are the attitudes towards emigration and immigration?

3. Geography, climate and landmarks

  1. What landscapes are there in a country?
  2. How do the landscapes influence the lifestyle of those living there?
  3. What is the climate of the country?
  4. What seasons are there?
  5. How do the climate and seasons effect the culture and daily life?
  6. How do the landscapes look different according to the seasons?
  7. Is the climate and weather different in different regions?
  8. How do the seasons affect nature, wildlife, crops and harvests?
  9. How have the seasonal changes been affected by climate change?
  10. How has this affected the people?
  11. What natural landmarks are there in the country?
  12. What are the attitudes towards these landmarks?
  13. How are these landmarks a part of the national identity?
  14. What manmade landmarks are there in the country?
  15. What are the attitudes towards these landmarks?
  16. How are these landmarks a part of the national identity?

4. Culture and values

  1. What is the dominant culture?
  2. Is it a individualistic or communal culture?
  3. Is it a guilt culture, shame culture or fear culture?
  4. What are the significant cultural values?
  5. What of the consequences of breaching these cultural values?
  6. How do others respond to social deviance?
  7. How is social order and the status quo maintained?
  8. What behaviours are considered polite or impolite?
  9. What do they celebrate?
  10. How do they celebrate?
  11. How do they respond to major life events (births, deaths, sickness, marriage, new job, job loss, moving house)?
  12. What are the general fears of the culture?
  13. What do they do to alleviate these fears?
  14. What secular holidays or national celebrations are there?
  15. How are the holidays and celebrations linked to the climate, geography or nature of the country?
  16. What do these holidays and celebrations tell us about what is important to this culture?
  17. What are the influences of minority cultures, neighbouring cultures or other cultures on the culture of this country?
  18. What social hierarchies and class systems are there?
  19. How can you tell the difference between those of difference social status?
  20. Is it easy to gain social status?
  21. What generational differences are there in terms of cultural values?
  22. What are the traditional arts, songs, instruments and dances of the country?
  23. Are these traditions being preserved or are they dying out?
  24. What other traditional cultural artefacts are there?
  25. Who performs or creates these cultural artefacts?
  26. Where can you see them displayed or being created?
  27. What are the myths and legends of the culture?
  28. What stories are famous and often told?
  29. What proverbs are there?

5. History

  1. What are the major events to affect the country within living memory?
  2. How are these events remembered and commemorated?
  3. What effect do these events have on the national psyche and sense of identity?
  4. How do different generations view the events?
  5. How do the different people groups view these events?
  6. How widespread was the effects?
  7. How does the global community view the events?
  8. How is this similar or different to how it is viewed in the country?
  9. How are these events taught in schools?
  10. How are they talked about?
  11. What historical events are still celebrated or commemorated in the country?
  12. How are they remembered?
  13. What does the remembrance of these events suggest about nation values and identity?
  14. How are these historical events viewed across generations and people groups?
  15. How have these historical events been mythologised over time?
  16. How are they taught in school?

6. Faith

  1. What is the dominant religion of the country?
  2. How does it affect the social structure of the country and of communities?
  3. What religious buildings are there in the country and in the average community?
  4. How does religion affect daily life?
  5. What religious festivals and observances are there?
  6. How does faith affect views towards major life events?
  7. How do they believe the world was created?
  8. Where do humans come from according to their beliefs?
  9. How do they explain other natural phenomenon?
  10. What happens when people die?
  11. Will the world end? How will it happen?
  12. How do people interact with the spiritual domain?
  13. Who is able to interact with the spiritual domain?
  14. What hierarchies does religion create or enforce in the country?
  15. What role does religion have in maintaining the status quo?
  16. How is this country’s religion different from its neighbours?
  17. How do people of this country worship in a way that is different to other adherents of that faith?
  18. What superstitions are there?
  19. What objects, animals or natural phenomenon have spiritual significance?
  20. What beliefs are there in fate or luck?
  21. How can you change your fate or luck?

7. Family life

  1. What is the size of an average family unit?
  2. Who makes up an average family?
  3. How many people will live in the same house?
  4. What is the size of an average house? How many rooms does it have?
  5. How many children does an average woman have?
  6. What are the roles of each member of a family?
  7. Do families live within the same communities?
  8. What are the attitudes towards care for the elderly?
  9. How are children raised, disciplined and nurtured?
  10. What is the average age to get married?
  11. When are you considered past your prime?
  12. Who haves the economic power or responsibility in a family?
  13. What traditions and practices are there relating to pregnancy and birth?
  14. What traditions and practices are there relating to death and illness?
  15. How do they celebrate birthdays?
  16. What ceremonies are related to courting, engagements and weddings?
  17. What is the attitude towards divorce and infidelity?
  18. What are the rates of domestic abuse?
  19. Are there differences in family life between urban and rural areas? What are they and why are there these differences?
  20. How has the look of the family changed between generations?
  21. What does a family meal look like?
  22. How often do extended families eat together?

8. Daily life

  1. What time do people get up?
  2. What time do they go to bed?
  3. How many people share a bed?
  4. What are the children’s/babies sleep routines? Are they different from the adults?
  5. How many days a week do they work?
  6. How long are their work hours?
  7. What are the household tasks or chores that need doing?
  8. Who does them?
  9. Where do they do their shopping?
  10. How many meals do they eat a day?
  11. What do they eat for each meal?
  12. Do they eat at home or do they eat out?
  13. How much money do they spend on grocery shopping?
  14. What do they do with their free time?
  15. Who do they spend their free time with?
  16. What is the most popular non-alcoholic and alcoholic drink in the country?
  17. What sports are popular in this country?
  18. What music do they listen to?
  19. Do they use social media? Which sites do they use?
  20. Do they have access to television, radio or films? What do they watch?
  21. What objects would you find in the average house? What are they for?
  22. What daily struggles or frustrations might a person face?
  23. What transportation do people use on a daily basis?
  24. What do people wear on a daily basis?
  25. What influences the fashions and what is worn?
  26. How far do people travel on a regular basis?

9.Community life

  1. What are the names for community units? How are they structured?
  2. What hierarchies are in place? Who has authority within a community?
  3. Where do communities gather?
  4. When do communities gather?
  5. Where do communities interact?
  6. Where is the heartbeat of community life?
  7. What is the relationship between private and public life?
  8. Who are the gatekeepers to the communities?
  9. Who knows everyone’s business in a community?
  10. What social ties are there within communities?
  11. How do people feel about spending time with others?
  12. How do people feel about spending time alone?
  13. How many people have visited other countries?

10. Education and employment

  1. What level of the population are literate?
  2. What is the education system of the country?
  3. What is the attitude towards education in the country?
  4. How many children attend school?
  5. How big are the average classroom sizes?
  6. How do the following factors affect educational attainment: gender, region and affluence?
  7. Which educational establishments have the best reputation?
  8. What is the most common type of degree, certification or training?
  9. How do most people find work?
  10. What is the rate of employment in the country?
  11. What are the consequences of unemployment?
  12. Which sector is the largest provider of employment in the country?
  13. Which company is the largest employer?
  14. What is considered a good job in the country?
  15. What is the average wage?
  16. How many people live in poverty?
  17. What sectors are growing in the country? How is this impacting employment?

11. Health and safety

  1. Does the average family have a fresh water supply? Where do they get their water from?
  2. Does the average family have access to electricity? What are the sources of electricity?
  3. How do they maintain cleanliness and hygiene?
  4. Does the average family have access to a toilet?
  5. What illnesses are common in the country?
  6. How are they treated? How are they prevented?
  7. Is prevention, treatment and health education widespread?
  8. What is the infant mortality rate?
  9. How many people per doctor are there in the country?
  10. What is the leading cause of death?
  11. What is the rate of alcohol addiction?
  12. What is the rate of substance abuse?
  13. Where are the best hospitals?
  14. Who has access to them?
  15. What is the attitude towards medical treatment?
  16. What traditional practises are used to treat illnesses?
  17. How do cultural beliefs impede improvements in health?
  18. What dangerous animals are a risk in that country?
  19. What is the safest way to travel?
  20. What do people feel afraid of? What makes them feel unsafe?

12. Communication

  1. How long is the dominant language’s alphabet?
  2. What are the main features of the language?
  3. What other languages are spoken?
  4. What gestures or facial expressions are important?
  5. What gestures or facial expressions are best avoided?
  6. Is the communication style direct or indirect?
  7. What honorific terms are used?
  8. How is status, hierarchy or social identity revealed through speech?
  9. How similar is spoken speech to its written language?
  10. What percentage of the population uses mobile phones?
  11. What are the major network providers?
  12. Is there a postal service and how do you use it?
  13. How is major news and important information distributed?
  14. What TV stations are there?
  15. What newspapers are there?

13. Development

  1. Is the country an LEDC (less economically developed country) or MEDC (more economically developed country)?
  2. What is the GDP per capita?
  3. What is the percentage of annual GDP growth?
  4. What factors have promoted economic growth in the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
  5. What factors have prevented economic growth in the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
  6. How has the life expectancy changed over the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
  7. How has the infant mortality rate changed over the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
  8. How has the literacy rate changed over the last decade, twenty years or fifty years?
  9. What is the country’s largest source of money?
  10. What is their biggest export?
  11. How many tourists visit a year?
  12. Where do the tourists come from?
  13. Who benefits most from tourism?
  14. Who benefits most from businesses?
  15. How is the country’s wealth distributed?

14. Summary

  1. What are major common themes in the various answers?
  2. What are the biggest trends in growth?
  3. What are the reasons for optimism for the country?
  4. Who is doing important working in promoting change for the country?
  5. What are the major challenges this country might face in the future?
  6. What are the possible solutions to such challenges?
  7. What changes do people predict for the country?
  8. What changes do you predict for the country?
  9. What could the outside world do for the country?
  10. What is your own personal relationship with the country?
  11. What are your thoughts and feelings about the various topics?
  12. What surprised you the most?
  13. What topics would you research further?
  14. How did you find the answer to the questions?
  15. What personal anecdotes do you have about adjusting to life in this country?
  16. What sources of conflict are there between your native culture and your second (or third) culture?
  17. What have been the major challenges for you adapting to this country?
  18. How do you feel about the country now having answered the questions?
  19. What discovery do you think will be the most helpful in integrating into this country?
  20. What mistakes have you made in the past that you now understand more fully having answered these questions?

I can probably answer about 40% of the questions with any accuracy. The answers would be too long for a single blog post, but I might try answering them. By the time I have finished them all, I would probably have a rather comprehensive research paper on my hands.

Hopefully, others that I intending to get to know a particular country more fully, or just cement what they know about a place more fully, will find this list interesting and helpful.

Cambodian life: the mosquito edition

My friend mentioned that mosquitoes are our true friends in Cambodia: they are always there when you go home and they never leave you nor forsake you. In Cambodia, mosquitoes are carriers of both malaria and dengue fever. Malaria is only present in the most rural areas and I am not at risk of catching it in my day-to-day life. Dengue, however, is an urban illness.

Muhammad Mahdi Karim [GFDL 1.2 (http://www.gnu.org/licenses/old-licenses/fdl-1.2.html)%5D

Dengue was first detected in Cambodia in 1963. (I don’t think that means it first arrived in Cambodia then, but I’m not an expert.) Since then its occurrence has been rising steeply. In 2018, there were over 15,000 reported cases of dengue. There are sometimes epidemics, for example in 2017, there were around 39,000 reported cases. There have already been over 1,000 cases of dengue reported in 2019.

Dengue fever can be just like a really bad case of the flu. However, there are deadly complications, which include dengue hemorrhagic fever and dengue shock syndrome. Also, it can take weeks to recover from.

Even when not considering the general risks, mosquitoes make life somewhat uncomfortable and annoying. They like dark places and seem to hide in clothes.

  • Opening your bag and a dozen mosquitoes fly out.
  • Going to put your underwear on and a dozen mosquitoes fly out.
  • Squashing a mosquito and realising you killed it too late because your hands are now smeared with your own blood.
  • Waking up because a mosquito flew into your ear canal.
  • Getting too excited with the mosquito bat and realising you’ll be living in a mosquito graveyard for the next month.
  • Spraying the bathroom with insecticide then instantly needing the toilet. You have to choose between suffocation or wetting yourself.
  • Spraying insect repellent in front of a fan and getting it in your eyes.
  • Spraying your hands with DEET then touching your lips.
  • Inhaling a mosquito.
  • Getting a tuk tuk and realising that a cloud of mosquitoes are also hitching a ride.
  • Wanting to sleep with your back to the fan but knowing you’re creating a windshield that will allow stealthy mosquitoes to get to you.
  • Using a mosquito coil too near to your clothes so you smell of smoke for weeks.

Learn some Khmer

  • មូស /muːh/ (muh) mosquito
  • គ្រុនឈាម /kruŋ cʰiəm/ (krung chiam) dengue fever
  • រមាស់ /romoah/ (romoah) to itch