Some people actually seem to appreciate that I flood everyone’s inbox, facebook feed and general life with news about myself. Apparently, I’m better than average at keeping in touch with people back at home, so I was asked to give some tips to others in similar situations. I looked back on my previous posts and it turns out past me is wiser than I thought. (However, even a stopped clock is right twice a day, so I shouldn’t be too self-congratulatory.) In 2016, I wrote What I wish I knew 2, which deals with some of the emotional aspects of maintaining those relationships. Read it first! Also, this FAQ Thursday touches on this as well.
It’s really easy to feel isolated, forgotten about and disconnected. Some of that is because the people back home won’t know about your life . However, here are some ideas of how to maintain contact with home. Some of them are silly and whimsical, others take more time and investment.
Write a regular newsletter
This is the main technique that people in my situation use. It’s a quick and easy way to disseminate a lot of information quickly to a lot of people. There are of course some pros and cons.
Newsletters are rather impersonal. By their nature, they’re a catch-all and generic. People receiving them may feel a little indifferent to it, as they feel like they’re just one of an email list (which, of course, is true). Also, the time that goes into it doesn’t match the response. Very few people will ever respond to a newsletter (if you’re reading it, make it a personal mission to respond to newsletters!).
I’m not at all suggesting that you ditch the newsletter, but if you still want to maintain contact with home, you probably have to do things on top of this too.
Use social media
Facebook and any other type of social media is a blessing and a curse. It can suck time and compound feelings of homesickness. But it’s also a way to interact with those at home in a more personal way. I have used groups and pages in the past. There are reasons for this, if you think its social media overkill.
My Facebook page is public and open to everyone. It’s a way of presenting information to those that I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m close with but would like to maintain communication with (for example, those you met at a convention or something). It’s meant to be light and not particularly personal.
My Facebook group is by invite only. It is a bit more picky. I have criteria for who gets in the group. (Mostly, they’re Christians as it’s where I share things about my faith; they’re from home / not linked to my work here. These aren’t hard and fast rules.) Here I can post personal information, things I am struggling with, things I am enjoying. As the information is more personal, it seems a little bit more intentional in terms of who is receiving what and why.
Make an event of it
Sometimes, it’s really hard feel like you are connecting with people. Information is going out, a few likes and responses are going in. Also, there is no sense of immediacy. It might be hours or days until you get a reply. Time zones and people simply not knowing your routine means that phone calls etc., are a bit trickier.
One way is to make an event of a catch up. I’ve used Facebook live before. It was planned, at a set time on a set day and I advertised the fact I was doing it a few weeks in advance. I’ve also sent out invites to Skype calls. It was sent to particular individuals I wanted to catch up with, with the available days and times I was available to Skype.
It creates a sense of significance and it encourages a response. It is also helpful, as it’s hard enough to remember what the time difference means and when to catch up. Remember, be very specific about which time zone you are talking in though!
Remember birthdays, Mothers Day, Christmas etc. I’ve found out moonpig.com is my friend. I can schedule cards to be sent on the day in advance. This is quite hard, as often your brain is a bit disconnected with the rhythms back at home. This means I don’t have to worry about missing it because of timezones or internet problems.
There are just some silly ways to keep in contact. Tag people in memes. Send a joke. Arrange an event when you do something at the same time, just on other sides of the world (e.g. watch the latest episode of a TV series). Sometimes, personalising it is especially helpful.